Showy patriotism and fuel

So there’s a black pastor who has lived in this country all his life and who dared to get up in front of his congregation and say “God damn America?” Gee, what a shock. I mean, imagine that. A black man who has a bit of a beef with the USA.

And now, some of the superfun responses Mr. Obama could have used when asked, “Where’s your flag pin?”

A. “Where’s yo mama?”

B. “I got yer flag pin right here, wienie boy.” (Best used when addressing George Stephanapolous).

C. “I’ve been waiting for someone to ask. In my opinion, the flag pin has been completely hijacked by Bush, Cheney, et al. Since I’m doing my best to distance myself from this bunch of undesirables, I now think of a flag pin as anything but mandatory. And if you’d like to question my level of commitment to the U.S.A., I’m embarrassed to have to remind you that I’m a member of the frigging United States Senate. And you’re not. Next question.”

D. “Actually, in an effort to show my complete love for my country, I decided to pierce my left nipple with my flag pin, where it can be close to my heart 24/7/365.”

The imaginary Mr. Cabela to his Director of New Outlets: “Perkins, if my new superstore falls into a giant crack in the earth out there in Verdi, you’ve got some mighty serious explaining to do.”

Those of you who’d like to fly with some biodiesel, see you on Fourth Street. In the vicinity of the Halfway Club you’ll find Allied Washoe selling B20 biodiesel, which means the blend is 20 percent biodiesel and 80 percent regular diesel. I pulled my truck in there recently, topped off with B20, and rumbled on down the road. I noticed no differences in performance whatsoever. The price was, unfortunately, the same as ever-escalating regular diesel. In a few weeks, Allied expects to be selling the pure stuff—B99. So if you want your exhaust to be a lot cleaner and to smell like french fries …

A few weeks ago, I was musing about how many billions of gallons of gas could be conserved in this country if a significant number of drivers made an effort to SLOW THE EFF DOWN while on open highways. Well, in the latest issue of Consumer Reports, there’s new data which backs up that hunch. Their test Camry, which got 40 miles per gallon at 55 miles an hour, got 35 mpg at 65, and 30 at 75. Pop quiz: What’s your mileage at 85? So again, think of the BILLIONS of gallons that could be saved if so many of us weren’t so frickin’ insistent on pounding down the freeway at warp factor HyperHurry. And you folks with Thule units atop your car, those things are a drag. Literally. MPG on a Thuled-up Camry dipped from 35 to 29 at 65 mph.