Seems sorta weird

Seems Sorta Weird, No. 1: Lately, there’s been a fair amount written on the subject of the “adultolescent,” that ever-increasing and somewhat confounded substrata of American 32-year-olds still stuck at mom and dad’s place. After reading these stories, it’s obvious that the modern parent’s idea of true parenting success has become very clear and very simple: If Junior splits at 18 and stays split, you’ve done a great job! Put another way, the better the parents do in prepping Timmy and Sally for the real world, the sooner they get to say aloha to their precious little sex fiends.

Conversely, for those parents who can’t bear the thought of the kids leaving home, all they have to do is kick back and go ultra-lax in the guidance department. Buy them tequila and cigs, let them watch Osbourne marathons and laugh off those “D"s in geography. That will virtually guarantee that your little angel will still be in his room, working as a B.T.E. (Burrito/Tostada Engineer) well into his 20s, thereby ensuring your effortless entry into the Bitter Parent Zone.

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Seems Sorta Weird, No. 2: A recent report said poor Lake Davis is once again riddled with that finny scourge called the northern pike. After poisoning and draining the entire lake back in ‘97 for the express purpose of ridding Davis of pike forever, this new report says those fish are back, and back in force. California Fish and Game caught 6,300 of these notorious trout-eaters last year in Davis, and now they’re busy preparing a new battle plan.

Well, at this point, I’d like to hear CF&G explain why they don’t just give up. Why not let the pike run amok in Lake Davis? This is not an insignificant fish. The state record for northern pike in Minnesota, for example, is a 45-pounder. Why not let Davis become the Pike Capital of the West, and take all the money that ordinarily would go into another probably feeble attempt at nuking the lake with bombs and poison and put it into some kind of super-thorough net system that makes sure those nasty ole pike never get into the Feather River?

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Seems Sorta Weird, No. 3: Lots of hubbub surrounding the construction plans of a new House of Lust in Storey County, which reminds me of a subtle brothel benefit enjoyed by many customers. It’s a benny that is often overlooked in these snuggly times, but true nonetheless. For it’s in a bordello, and only in a bordello, where a man nowadays gets the chance to experience the primordial, Technicolor baboon-ass pleasure that occurs when his “date” utters that magical phrase upon the climactic conclusion of the transaction—"Get your clothes on and get out of here.”

It’s the kind of male interior revelatory stuff we like to keep under wraps these days, for obvious reasons. But the truth is, loads of guys practically whistle back to their cars after being buttered up like that.