Rock me, Jennamarbles

Welcome to this week’s Reno News & Review.

I just spent 15-and-a-half minutes learning how to make my boobs appear bigger from Jenna Marbles. That’s a hard thing to admit, it being Monday and all.

I must be in the mood for confession because that’s the kind of crap that the internet brought into the workplace, and everyone knows it, so my disclosure is meaningless. I mean, back when I started, unless you brought some pornography into the shop, you’d almost never have access to pornography. Not that Jenna Marbles is pornographic, she seems like a nice girl, working on her master’s. Down to earth, even.

But think about it. I’m sure most workplaces are like mine. You still work the same hours, basically. If you had a lunch hour five years ago, and you still work at the same place, you probably have one now.

But look at all the distractions technology has brought to you. Internet and cell phones eat my time in 15-second intervals. Sometimes, it’s as simple as the internet is particularly slow. Other times, it’s somebody blowing up your phone with text messages. I can’t imagine that there’s not a minimum of an hour we waste every day on this crap. But the work that must be completed hasn’t decreased. So what gives?

If you’ve ever gotten an email from me at 4 a.m., you know I’m not typical. I don’t even think of myself as a multi-tasker. My single task is my life, lame as that sounds, so I just do life.

But what about the people whose work defines the hours when they can work or play or contemplate Jenna Marbles’ apparent marbles? Five hours a week, that’s about 12.5 percent per week less work done, but the same salary. Couldn’t that be considered a de facto raise? Hmmm. Twelve-and-a-half percent across America. Amusing and slightly ironic—since it’s the very technology that enabled desktop publishing that’s now hobbling it.