Rescue from Orange Bizarro Planet

A new poll from Quinnipiac asks, who do you trust more to tell the truth? Trump or the media? The answer, unsurprisingly, is as partisan and polarized as it can get. Dems trust the media by 86 percent to 7 percent. (Who the fuck are the 7 percent who believe President Batshit?) Rethuglicans, of course, roll with Trumpolini by 78 percent. There’s no need to say more; feel free to draw your own conclusions about the impressive impenetrability of the fact-fending force fields that now surround the skulls of GOP ostrichian denialists.

James Comey, not exactly a friend of the Dems, asked the Justice Department last weekend to publicly reject Twitler’s rant about Obama ordering the tapping of the phones in Dump Tower last autumn during the campaign. So sayeth the New York Times, which goes on to say that Comey made the request because Trump’s tweet tantrum about those wiretaps “falsely insinuates that the FBI broke the law.” And here’s the best part. “Mr. Comey’s request,” said the Times, “is a remarkable rebuke of a sitting president, putting the nation’s top law enforcement official in the position of questioning Mr. Trump’s truthfulness.” In other words, Comey just joined the “Trump is a lying POS” club. Welcome!

So are you beginning to notice a pattern here? That every time President Batshit opens his mouth, a big brick of fresh steaming horseshit falls out? Trumplodytes, it’s not too late. We will welcome you back to the Land of Fact-based Reality. We will rescue you from Orange Bizarro Planet. We will help you. We will forgive you. We can’t, alas, guarantee your health care plan.

And fercrissake, what the hell is up with Bannon’s face? Why doesn’t anybody mention that this blotchy bastard looks like absolute hell, like a giant gin blossom ready to explode? It appears his diet consists of Ho-Hos, bourbon and blood sausage. No wonder he’s a total asshole. His gout must be frightfully painful, and he’s taking it out on humanity.

Twitler could end all of this outrage very, very easily. He could completely clear up this whole Manafort Cohen Page Sessions Flynn Putin Oligarchs Skullduggery with one simple act—The Tax Returns.

But, of course, he can’t. He knows, as we now do, that those tax returns are the End. Or more accurately, The Beginning of the End. Where the curtain gets pulled back. The firewall around those documents must be absolutely gigantic. And remember, back in July, when he actually said he would release them? That one turned out to be a real knee-slapper!