Putin’s electors?

Nov. 8 now appears to have been a very good day—for Russia.

Follow the money, folks. There’s a $500 billion deal between Exxon and Russia’s national oil company that currently sits in Sanction Limbo, put there by Obama in ’14 after Putin’s mischief with Ukraine. It now seems likely that by early spring, those sanctions will be lifted, and Secretary of State Rex Tillerson will announce that Exxon (full disclosure—Tillerson is the CEO of Exxon, and golly gee, isn’t that fun?) and Russian oil giant Rostnef can resume their partnership, looking for new oil fields in the Arctic and Siberia. Again, this is a $500 billon partnership we’re talking about, which is not just a big deal, it’s a big fucking deal, big enough to guarantee not just the long-term financial health of Rostnef, but also to guarantee the health of an entire nation.

And the dim-bulbed zombies of Trump, the raving deplorables who voted for this charlatan, won’t give the tiniest turd about this breathtakingly brazen conflict of interest. Those zombies (Zumpies? Trombies?) have put the Clown-Elect in a bullet-proof position, where I now believe he literally could walk out of Trump Tower, shoot a random guy, and get away with it. All he would have to do is tweet, “The guy was an asshole,” and the Zumpies would be, “OK. Must be true. Gotta love ole Don, right? I wonder if he used a Glock or a .45? Hey, you like the Broncos this week?”

The optics here on this development aren’t good. The bozonics, though, are top notch.

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Chris Suprun is the elector from Texas who announced in the New York Times that he won’t vote for Trump as he’s supposed to when the electors meet on Monday the 19th. He’s a smart, articulate fellow who’s impressive when justifying his position. Suprun busted Trump for being grossly unfit for the Job way before this Russian jazz broke out. Now, I’m guessing he might be feeling even more righteous, even though it will probably mean he’ll have a burning cross on his lawn for New Year’s.

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But now, in light of all this confirmed information that our election was tampered with by a hostile foreign asshole, I can’t help but wonder if maybe a few more electors, specifically older folks who grew up when Russia was our mortal enemy, if maybe a few more electors are now thinking about voting in a Suprunesque way. Wishful thinking? Yer goddamn right! The best gift the Electoral College could give America this holiday season would be a messy and long overdue suicide.