In this country, there are four main groups of adults. The first two are those who (G1) are in a relationship and happy, and (G2) are single and miserable. There are many folks in each of these. But there are two other groups. Those (G3) in a relationship and unhappy, and those (G4) who are single and happy. G3 also gets plenty of play in our cultural dialogue. Hell, without G3, 50 percent of all comedy routines would shrivel up and blow away. Without G3, 90 percent of psychiatrists, psychologists and life coaches would be bartenders.
But G4 doesn't seem to get a whole lot of pub. It's almost as if the very thought of being single and happy somehow runs against the grain, and that to even acknowledge this group is somehow indecent, unAmerican, and an affront to God. Probably pisses the Koch brothers off, too. Well, if G4 had cards, I'd carry one, having been a member of this murky bunch for many years now. I didn't set out to be in G4, to be sure, it's just that over time, I realized I was one of these odd birds who really, if I was being honest, sought not a partner, but solitude. After looking for about 30 years, I had to admit that there really isn't another human being on this planet I want to see every day of the year, year in and year out. Not even close. I spent years looking for a woman who would be content with seeing me, oh, say—once a week? I eventually realized I might as well be looking for a rainbow unicorn. It got obvious I would be much better off by simply embracing the reality inside my cranial hard drive, which was constantly telling me that I'm G4 material, not G1. Ever since I've done that, I must admit, things have been pretty darned nice.
America seems to shun this G4 attitude. It doesn't seem to cotton to it. It's fine to be single, it says, as long as you're appropriately miserable and you're busting your ass to get unsingle as soon as possible. If you're a G4 daring to deny that you're supposed to be wretched instead of happy, well, then, it says, Dig this—and annually proceeds to bitchslap our asses with the onslaught of Cupidian glories of Valentine's Day. Cue the harps and find your bliss while munching on the fish tacos whipped up by your soul mate. Fine.
So I just want to give a shout-out to all the G4s out there, those of us who dare to be completed by ourselves and dare to admit that there are lots of soul mates out there. And let's note that us G4s are getting huge. The number of single person households, according to the last census, was 32 million, while the number of two-person households was 38 mill and 3PHH was 18 million. We're trending, biyotch! Misery loves company! Bring the lube!