Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Rated 2.0

Jake Gyllenhaal got his ass in super shape for this video game movie. He got himself some big muscles, stunning vascularity, and what I would have to call pretty darned impressive posture. I mean, the boy doesn’t slouch at all, and you could use his spine as a level. What Jake didn’t get for this movie is a coherent script. This blockbuster thing, with all of its psychobabble about some magic knife that allows for time travel, is one meaningless set piece after another. Lots of money went into costumes, sets and endless CGI, but little energy seems to have been given to creating a story anybody could give a damn about. As for the supporting cast, only Alfred Molina as a shifty ostrich racer (Yep!) even registers. Gyllenhaal could make for a decent action hero, but I think this particular franchise is going to stop at one movie. Sorry Jake, but your super amazing workout regimen is the only thing really worth noting when it comes to this film.