Plan the aftermath

So how’d you like that? How’d that taste? That, of course, being the epic Kavanauvian Hose Job that the true Enemy of the American People, The ReTrumplican Party, just stuffed down our collective throat. (Women, please save us.) This hosing began in 2016, when Mitch McEvil procedurally thwarted the nomination of Merrick Garland, and it ended last week with the confirmation of angry, entitled sudsophile Kavanaugh. A hosing of massive proportions. So be it. Of course, Dr. Blasey Ford was credible. And, of course, all those reptilian Retrumplicans on the Judiciary Committee believed her story, although they would never admit it. The reality of the entire creepy episode, one no GOP sycophant would dare admit, is now obvious—Dr. Ford’s credibility simply didn’t matter. Not for a minute. Kavanaugh’s clumsy, drunken assault, no matter how well corroborated, was not going to derail The Mission. Absolutely no way Dr. Ford, Debbie Ramirez and Julie Swetnick were gonna derail the Mission, which was Def Con 10 Highest Priority—get this power tool on the Supreme Court, where he can protect Vlad’s Prize. And so … Mission Accomplished. (And once again, predictably, Heller sucked. Go, Jacky, go.)

OK, so the evil bastards win the first game. Fine. But this is a doubleheader. (Minorities, please save us.) And we’re ready to come back strong in the nightcap. Let’s do this. We’re pumped. We don’t need to see any more TV commercials. We don’t need to figure anything out. It’s pretty simple. If there’s a D behind the candidate’s name, OK. If there’s an R, piss off. Let’s roll. It’s our chance to finally smoosh a toothpaste cream pie into McConnell’s Smug Mug and Trump’s Hideous Hairdo. Let’s fucking vote already! Early voting in Nevada begins on the Oct. 20. Register. Vote. And on Nov. 7—party.

And millennials (born between ’81 and ’96), we need you to get it together. Seriously. We need you to step up and get in on this. In 2016, 50 percent of eligible millennials voted. Compare that stat to us old farts (Greatest Gen, Baby Boom), who voted at a 70 percent clip. Millenials, WE NEED YOU. BIG TIME! (LGBTQ, please save us.) After all, the Trumpifying of America is, in the long haul, gonna ruin your lives, not us seniors. We’ll still get our entitlements, our Medicare, our Social Security, etc. But you? What happens to you if these horrible, old, senile shitheads mangle America with malevolent incompetence for another 10 years? Power to the correct people. It’s somewhat important. (Men, please save us.)