Military bloat is sinking us

Hey ReTrumplicans, you gotta minute? We need to talk.

One of the many things that get under my skin these days is this constant crap about how we need so very badly to rebuild our horribly depleted military and blah blah blah stand back projectile bullshit blah blah blah. I mean, wait a sec. Just hold the hell on. Our military budget in 2018 was 643 billion. I saw it right there on the Wikipedia.

We’re giving the grunts, squids, flyboys, and jarheads $643 billion dollars a year, and they’re all tattered and deprived and broken and scraggly and going hungry in their little bunks? Well, gee, isn’t that just the most gigantic boo fucking hoo?

Please, military industrial complex, kindly blow it out your ridiculous, bloated ass. Here’s the predictable reminder (most of you know what’s coming next—that Uncle Sam gets more money for national Dee-fense than the next 12 countries combined. (That’s also right there in the Wikipedia.) Our budget was 643 in ’18; China’s was about a quarter as much, at $168. For ’19, Trump ’n’ Mitch bumped the D budget up to 700 bleepbleeping dollars. So holy cruise missile, stow your bullshit about the poor military! I’m sorry, but they’re just gonna have to scrimp by on that $700 billion and that’s that.

And another thing, ReTrumplicans—where you goin’? Get back here. I ain’t done with you yet! This Socialist Fog that you’re all hot to whip up, I must remind you, it’s not socialism to tax the livin’ shit out of the ultra mega super fat cats of the one percent. No, it’s good business. Why? Well, we need money to make this a nice country, you see, and the very very very very rich people seem to have enormous piles of that green. So, yes, we shall come-a-callin’ upon their door with a loud, Swedishy knock. Dig it.

Just one more thing, Trump-enabling lickspittles. We’re having a delightful time watching you guys fall all over yourselves trying to slime AOC. You’re coming off like a bunch of old feeble, lameass dipshits as you constantly try to ridicule a modern, energized, intelligent young, knockout of a representative. She’s sharp, serious, capable and completely worthy of professional respect, and you greasy, dung-spattered razorbacks are totally incapable of figuring this out. She scares the fuck out of you old pirates, and we friggin’ love it.

Highly recommended strategy for your peace of mind as the gaslighting of America continues—listen to one fave album a night. Just one. It really works!