Make a scene

Christian Bale on crack, a portrait of John Lennon as a young man, and what’s fall without the Coen brothers? The season’s most promising films.

So that was our big summer movie season, huh? Half of those movies should’ve gone straight to video, while most of the other half should’ve gone straight to hell.

Yes, we got Inception and Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, but we also got cinematically slimed for the most part. Hollywood presented us with terrible 3-D afterthoughts (Clash of the Titans, The Last Airbender), lame talking animals (Furry Vengeance), bad muscle-head movies (The Expendables, Takers) and some of the worst chick flicks ever (Sex and the City 2; Eat, Pray, Love). As somebody who has to watch all of this stuff, I really am limping into the last chunk of the year.

The Coen brothers, Harry Potter and David Fincher will attempt to rescue a movie year critically wounded by the likes of Sarah Jessica Parker and Sylvester Stallone. They have their work cut out for them.

Here are some of the films you will be seeing this fall and winter … if you still plan to attend theaters after the evil Hollywood has thus far wrought in 2010.

True Grit Oh, Joel and Ethan … please take me away. The Coens got Jeff Bridges, Matt Damon and Josh Brolin for this adaptation of the Charles Portis novel. Marketing already touts the fact that this is similar to the John Wayne version in name only. I predict this will rule the world.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 While I wasn’t a fan of Harry’s previous chapter, this has all the makings of a powerhouse. Part 2 follows next summer, and I have high hopes it will end the series with the dignity it deserves.

The Social Network This is director David Fincher’s take on the shady undertakings in the creation of Facebook. After this, I want to see a film about the psychological effects of having contact with exes and people from elementary school you should never speak to again, but do, thanks to Facebook. That damned site is dangerous.

Jackass 3-D In a season that promises plenty of highbrow entertainment, this should balance things out nicely. It features Steve-O getting shot into the air inside a Sani-Hut and then getting pummeled with feces in 3-D. These are the things of movie greatness. I’m not being sarcastic. I really can’t wait to see this.

Nowhere Boy Aaron Johnson (Kick-Ass) stars as a young John Lennon in the days before the Beatles, when he meets a guy named Paul and starts penning some songs. I’m a Beatles nut, so bring it on.

Buried Ryan Reynolds basically spends an entire film inside a coffin. Hopefully, this will give the talented actor some of the credibility he deserves. The premise alone gets him Oscar consideration, even if he was in Smokin’ Aces.

Morning Glory An older, grouchier Harrison Ford plays an old, grouchy newsman forced to co-host a morning show with Diane Keaton. Rachel McAdams plays the producer, and it just sounds so adorable.

Due Date Is there anything funnier than the preview scene of Zach Galifianakis asking Robert Downey Jr. about his father, and then laughing maniacally after hearing the sad story? I don’t think so.

127 Hours James Franco goes hiking and has to cut off his arm in this sure-to-be-taut film from director Danny Boyle. Yikes.

Fair Game Naomi Watts and Sean Penn star for director Doug Liman in this film about former CIA agent Valerie Plame and how White House officials screwed her royally. Sounds like a party.

You Will Meet a Tall Dark Stranger Watts also stars for Woody Allen, a.k.a. Puke Face, in this film about troubled marriages. It costars Josh Brolin and Anthony Hopkins. I’m praying Watts isn’t aspiring to be Allen’s next Mia Farrow or, even worse, Scarlett Johansson. Please, Naomi, make this a one-off collaboration. I know Allen can still make a good movie (Vicky Cristina Barcelona), but he remains a butthole.

How Do You Know Paul Rudd and Jack Nicholson … IN THE SAME MOVIE! HOORAY!

The Tempest Nobody does Shakespeare like Julie Taymor, who put forth one of the all-time great adaptations with Titus. Alfred Molina, Helen Mirren and Russell Brand show up for work on this one, and I’m guessing the costume department has blown their minds.

Somewhere Sofia Coppola returns to direct Stephen Dorff as an actor who spends some quality time with his daughter (Elle Fanning, sister of Dakota). I bet it will have one of the year’s best soundtracks.

Country Strong Gwyneth Paltrow, following in the footsteps of Jeff Bridges, plays a washed up country singer looking for one more shot at redemption. Seriously, why does it always have to be country music? I hate country music!

Black Swan Darren Aronofsky scored Natalie Portman for a nightmarish ballet movie. The preview makes Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream look like a picnic with puppies.

The Fighter Mark Wahlberg plays boxer “Irish” Micky Ward, and Christian Bale plays his crack-addicted brother. While the idea of Wahlberg doing the Rocky thing is cool, Bale on crack qualifies as the main draw.

Tron: Legacy OK, I will hurt my geek status by saying this: Not a huge fan of the original. Still, this looks promising for sure. Love the CGI younger Bridges gimmick.

Little Fockers In case you make it to the end of the year, and your movie heart is still beating, Ben Stiller and friends will shove this scary looking cinematic dagger into your heart for Christmas. It’s lots of Robert De Niro’s dick jokes, and Dustin Hoffman was added to the film after it was completed because it wasn’t funny enough. Not good signs.