Love & Sex
Best place to buy goofy sex toys
Park Lane Mall
310 E. Plumb Lane, 825-3317
Walk into Spencer Gifts any day of the week, and there’s a good chance you’ll find a snickering throng of pubescents checking out the sex stuff at the back of the store. They never buy anything, of course; that’s left to the snickering throngs of bachelor[ette] party organizers, who find delight in coffee mugs shaped like genitalia, the Jolly Vibrating Cucumber and the Chocolate Flavoured Willie Spread, which comes with a MINI BUTTER KNIFE (a favorite in the Bobbitt household). Halloween costumes are in stock now, too, so you can explore your sexual fantasies about Pokémon characters safely.
Best place for extended outdoor snuggling
Huffaker Hills in South Reno
Picture it: Late one summer night, a loving couple gets a whim to hike up these hills and see the city lights. After much panting and sweating (they’re out of shape; get your mind out of the gutter), they stop at a wooden gazebo at the first crest of the trail. As they take in the scenery, a passenger jet roars by so close that the couple could almost make out the passengers inside. Thrilled at this discovery, they hike up to the very top of the hill and watch for another hour with their arms around each other. All together now: “Awwwww.”
Best Place to Remind You to Buy Condoms
Been getting the urge to propagate lately? If you want to lessen this urge, head to Wal-Mart. There’s nothing like a whole mega-store full of wailing, whining kids and their haggard, defeated parents to put you off baby-making a little while longer. And that’s not even mentioning the toy department, where parents are being wheedled into buying the LEGO Studios Steven Spielberg Moviemaker Set for just shy of $180. It used to be that you were lucky to get the stubby LEGO men with their claw hands and funny little helmet heads. What is the world coming to?
Best way to date in bulk
The Reno People Store
If you read the RN&R’s Valentine’s Day issue this year, you might remember a story about a woman who signed up with the People Store and was inundated with messages from single men. Granted, not all of these men turned out to be Prince Charming (some didn’t even remotely come close), but if you apply the law of averages, you should be able to find at least one guy/gal who won’t take you to a monster truck pull on your first date (unless that’s what you’re into). Of course, you should always exercise caution when hooking up over the phone, or that booty call could be your last.