Let’s have a parade!
Our Dear Leader, President Trump, wants a huge military parade such as the world has never seen in Washington, D.C. this Fourth of July! Hooray for U.S.! We’re number one!
Everyone loves a parade! We’ll have marching bands, marching soldiers (perhaps doing the goose-step with all faces toward the presidential podium, so well appreciated in Pyongyang)!
Of course, the Blue Angels will dazzle us with their jet-propelled choreography, but the American people want to see more of what they pay for! The F-35 float sounds appropriate. It features an F-35 trying to take off. The engines would noisily huff and puff, only to finally give up and sink back to the float. Then a huge backfire would send hundred dollar bills flying out the exhaust for all to pick up. Another generous tax break from the Donald! Always giving back to the workers!
Speaking of taxes, we should have a Pentagon Pokemon Go game to add to the fun. Kids of all ages could look on their smart phones for the Pokemons hidden around the country to find some of the trillions of dollars that somehow disappears from the Department of Defense books. Those who collect the most Pentagon Pokemons will win valuable prizes, like a day of boot camp at Camp Lejeune.
Major controversies have erupted over the White House decision to include our proxy armies in the parade. The Democrats don’t want the neo-Nazi Azov Brigade their Ukrainian donors created interviewed on CNN. And the Republicans are embarrassed because our NATO partner Turkey is using the Turkmen in the Free Syrian Army to attack the Kurds in the Syrian Democratic Forces. It’s getting harder to keep our proxies in line! Not to mention the LGBTQIA denouncement of the decision allowing the Afghan warlords to march with their preteen boy sex slaves in the Gays in the Military contingent as a return to tired old stereotypes. Hopefully, we’ll know soon which proxy armies can join the MAGA Military Parade.
Most of the killing abroad Americans do these days is done by our drone forces. The video game warriors at our Creech Air Force Base near Las Vegas will have a float, portraying our brave troops sitting at their consoles, fingering their joysticks to maneuver to the target, zooming in on the video screen to see the figures moving below, going to a meeting, getting in vehicles, then POW! Just a heroic click on a mouse and they are gone! Then more fun as they wait a few minutes for the first responders and do a double tap!
We need to have floats in the parade that show Americans the effects of the wars we have fought on our wounded warriors. The Veterans Administration should definitely have a float. In fact, they should have a new memorial, wherein is written the names of all our veterans who died waiting to see a V.A. doctor. Since marijuana is now legal in Washington, D.C., veterans on the V.A. float can smoke medical marijuana to relieve their physical and mental pain. After a week of drone duty, it’s usually off to Las Vegas for some heavy drinking to try to stave off the cognitive dissonance caused by wiping out defenseless brown people a globe away. The White House is undecided on how to portray PTSD and the climbing military suicide rates due to redeployment. Maybe Ivanka can help with some ideas.
A flower float, filled with heroin-producing poppies whose acreage has grown over the 16 years of our military presence in Afghanistan will bring a lovely end to the March! See ya there July 4th!