Knights and Eagles

On the Friday night after the Las Vegas concert killings, the Vegas Golden Knights, a brand new team in the National Hockey League, was hosting its very first game, against the Dallas Stars. The Knights won 2-1, thus commencing an extremely notable debut season.

In fact, the Knights just kept winning and winning, and it became obvious this expansion team was actually quite good, enough to where it did something no other first-year team has ever done in any Big League, and that’s make it to the championship finals. Which is not just freaky cool, but fantastically remarkable. As in holy shit. As in the sports books aren’t gonna be happy if the frickin’ Knights win the frickin’ Stanley Cup, because a whole lot of locals in Vegas, impressed by the team’s embrace of a horrific municipal moment, supported the Knights by putting down 20/50/100 bucks on the team winning the Cup, at rather rockin’ odds of 500-1. The math, from the casino angle, ain’t pretty!

Alas, it’s not looking good. As of Monday the 4th, the Knights are down 3-1 to the Washington Capitals in this best-of-7 showdown. But no matter if they finish first or second, it’s been a very cool, very special, very feelgood kind of storybook season. Cheers to the VGK.

I predict Dum Dum is on the verge of re-writing the entire pardon record book. President Trump, a.k.a. Shithead McJowlface, is gonna be the Barry Bonds of pardons, racking up some breathtaking stats in quick time. He’s tuning up right now, prepping the always base base with some nice greasy warmup pardons (Dinesh Da Who?). When Mueller finally throws down some fat, juicy indictments, Trump’s gonna say, “I’ll see your indictments and raise you seven pardons.” One wonders what Mueller’s play might then be? Another prediction—he will indeed have a play, and we don’t know what it is. Neither does Dum Dum.

When the Philadelphia Eagles had the smarts to tell Trump to piss off, our so-called “president,” his widdle feelings hurt, promptly tweeted, “We will proudly be playing the national anthem and other wonderful music celebrating our country today at 3pm.” Can you imagine a more dreadfully dreadful event, to be subjected to the Scar Fangled Tanner and other Souzaphonic patriotic pomposities, hosted by a jabbering jagoff who is there in the Orange House only because he openly and brazenly conspired with our greatest international enemy? I wonder if Spanky would like the Jimi Hendrix version of the anthem? Check that one out on Spotify!