Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

This is a big dummy dino joke of a movie. It’s nothing but a brainless, sloppy rehash of Steven Spielberg’s original Jurassic Park sequel, The Lost World, with a lame militaristic angle thrown in (again!). Yes, the dinosaurs look cool, and things get off to an awesome start with an underwater visit to the skeleton of the genetically engineered dinosaur, Indominus Rex, that died hard at the end of Jurassic World. The prologue is scary, looks great, is well directed, and seems to be setting the tone for a film that recalls the grim tone of Michael Crichton’s original, excellent novel that spawned the film franchise. Sadly, things degenerate badly after the title credits pop up. When a volcanic eruption on the isle of dinosaurs threatens their genetically engineered lives, Congress holds hearings on whether or not to save them. These hearings involve the return of the one and only Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm. Rather than having Goldblum around for his trademark psycho rambling and dark wit, his character just groans a couple of lines about how we shouldn’t have made the dinosaurs because it goes against nature and they have really big teeth and might bite you. Then he goes away. Owen (Chris Pratt) and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard) return to the island to save Blue, the adorable velociraptor who wants you to pet him. Eventually, the action winds up in a large mansion in the states, where a nefarious businessman is keeping dinosaurs in the basement in order to auction them off in what amounts to a dinosaur fashion show for evil countries who want to weaponize them. A rehash of a familiar plot is fine if done with skill and nuance (see Star Wars: The Force Awakens for a fine example). Fallen Kingdom goes the campy route, and it’s dull, dull, dull.