In the nose

So let’s get theoretical for a second. Let’s say that during a normal time with a normal POTUS, the FBI informed the prez that there was undeniable proof that a foreign adversary was cyber-messing with us in a few critical areas, including elections. The President’s response would be which of the following? (1) Protect America from further attacks; (2) Defend the adversary; (3) Attack the credibility of the FBI; (4) Tweet hysterically for FBI to reveal sources and methodology of its information gathering; (5) Demand an investigation of the investigators. In other words, completely ignore the message, and instead choose to relentlessly attack the messengers. Here in Bizarro America, our current POTUS is, of course, rolling with choices 2-5. Isn’t that special? And let’s not forget choice 6, which is to fire the federal staff of cyber security, which the slaphappy team of Trump/Bolton just did. Why? To make it easier for the “adversary” to once again mangle an election so that the so-called “Blue Wave” turns out to be nothing more than a wino peeing a bladder full of Blue Nun wine against a dumpster in downtown Las Vegas.

A friend once made an astute observation about the klepto-jackass currently posing as President. “The problem is no one has ever popped Trump in the nose for being an asshole.” Impossible to disagree. Certainly nobody is currently willing, either figuratively or literally, to pop Spanky in the schnozz. Congress? Puh-leez. Invertebrata Mondatta. The Justice Department? The DOJ has developed a disturbing tendency to roll on its back and beg Dum Dum to rub its tummy. The DOJ, you may recall, used to be a snarling, raging, badass motherfucking Doberman. Now, it’s more like a happy, wiggly dachshund, wagging its tail and so eager to please Mr. Orange. Whoever thought the FBI would look this meek and milksoppy?

Actually, I can think of someone who will pop Dum Dum in the nose—Mike Avenatti. Him and Queen Stormy, god bless ’em. How perfect would it be if a porn goddess and her smartass lawyer hassle, hound and harass Trump into slobbering madness?

Speaking of klepto, a kleptocracy is defined as “a government with corrupt leaders that use their power to exploit the people and natural resources of their territory to extend their personal wealth and political powers.” OK? Got it? Because, that’s our new reality. Twitler’s Sadopopulist Kleptocracy. It’s on. See Trump-China-Indonesia resort deal. See Kushner-Qatar-666 Park Avenue. Naked, brazen graft with a capital G, pounded up Uncle Sam’s tailpipe in broad daylight. So it goes.