Hot enough for you?

You can always talk about the weather

Just past 5 p.m. A driveway in Sparks.

“Damn, it’s hot.”

“You could fry an egg on the damn hood.”

“An egg? Shoot, you could fry a chicken.”

“Killing my beets.”

“My roses quit blooming. Grass has got big brown patches.”

“My truck don’t run right. It idles rough at stop lights.”

“Kid left a box of crayons on my dash. Melted all in the vents.”

“How hot is it? Man, it’s got to be 100 degrees.”

“Supposed to hit triple digits again tomorrow.”

“When I was a kid, and I had a job pouring concrete, they’d send us home if it got over a hundred.”

“Weatherman don’t even talk about degrees anymore; it’s ‘heat index’ or some shit. I think he said it’s going to be 160 tomorrow.”

“Damn, that’s hot.”

“Hard to breathe, it’s so damned hot.”

“I think it gets hotter than it used to. Weather’s messed up.”

“Global warming.”

“Antarctic ice shelves melting.”

“They say it’s only going to get hotter.”

“Gets much hotter, I’m going to get a swamp cooler.”

“Just makes it muggy. Wet heat is worse than dry heat.”

“Yeah, at least it’s a dry heat.”

“Can’t do nothing about it but have another beer.”

“Damn, that’s nice.”

“Get a headache if you try to guzzle it. Too cold for this heat.”

“Don’t I know it? Maybe it’ll thunderstorm.”

“Just makes it hotter, starts fires. Soon as the sun comes out, it’s just like a steam bath.”

“Sweat like a pig.”

“Pigs don’t sweat. That’s why they lay around in the mud, keeps them cool.”

“Dogs sweat through their feet.”

“And they pant. Keeps their brains cool.”

“Man, my feet are sweating. Old lady won’t let me take my shoes off at night.”

“Judging from your shirt, can’t say as I blame her.”

“She’s always, ‘Take them damn shoes outside, smells like a locker room in here.’ Then she fires up the stove and cooks spaghetti or a casserole or some danged thing you’ve got to boil. Either that or she’s cooking something in the oven.”

“Why don’t she cook something cold—gazpacho or something?”

“I think the heat’s getting to your brain—cook something cold.”

“Hard to think when it’s this hot.”

“Thinking ain’t the only thing that’s hard to do in this heat.”

“Don’t I know it?”

“I heard some woman left her kid in the car while she went in to shop. By the time she got back, the kid was cooked.”

“Won’t be the only one this summer. You’d think people would be smarter than to leave their kids out in this heat.”

“Don’t know enough to come out of the rain.”

“I wish it would rain.”

“They say Tahoe is at its lowest levels since the drought.”

“Not enough snow.”

“Don’t even talk about snow. Can’t stand the thought of it.”

“Don’t remember it ever getting this hot, and just staying hot, for so long.”

“Stays hot at night, too. House don’t cool down. Just lay there and sweat.”

“Looks like the wind is coming up.”

“Windiest summer I ever saw.”

“Damn, it’s windy.”

D. Brian Burghart is an RN&R contributing editor.

Next: Stop with the Great Trench Debate