Higher minds drink, too
A college bar search of biblical proportions
And lo, a spectre descended from heaven and spoke unto the astonished prophet.
“My children amongst the apprentice scribes thirst verily, go amongst them and prophecy college bars and clubs, wherefore they may imbibe mightily,” sayeth the fearsome spectre. “Do this in my name lest I smite thee with fire and lightning and exclusion from the hopping bar scene.”
The prophet trembled before the spectre’s might and summoned unto him a valiant bar hopper to spread the message amongst the apprentice scribes.
Pub N’ Sub
1000 Ralston Street, 322-8540
About one mile from the University of Nevada, Reno, lies the oasis called Pub N’ Sub. It was built long ago and holds much brick and elderly wood. Sub sandwiches, chicken wings and pizza flow forth upon a wave of very cheap beer. Gathered in Pub N’ Sub are many whose livers cry out for much mercy but receive little. Many scribes gather around the pool tables whilst they punish their bodies with beer. Verily, says the prophet, any who dare enter Pub ‘n Sub wearing Tommy Hilfiger will most likely get their asses kicked, for the people of Pub ‘n Sub give off a most alternative rock vibe. KRZQ doth host “Shred Night” upon the oasis every Wednesday.
10 E. Ninth St., 324-6200
And the prophet left the oasis in search of a temple more hospitable to men with professionally done highlights. Upon entering The Breakaway, the prophet saw a vaguely ’80s theme and a slightly older clientele. Pinball tables adorn the eastern wall, and a pool table doth stand near the western wall. The Breakaway has many alcoholic refreshments and tasty French fries. Both the prophet and his valiant bar hopping guide did win handsomely at the video blackjack game. Surely it is broken, for they both suck at gambling.
Fritz’s Bar and Grill
1305 N. Virginia St., 348-0808
In Fritz’s, the prophet, who was now getting really full from eating at least something from every bar, ordered $1 tacos that delighted his mouth. A snowboarding theme did dominate the walls, and the prophet found advertisements for events as diverse as The Vagina Monologues and winter sports events. Where few gathered in the other bars this Tuesday night, many came to Fritz’s.
“Yah, oh prophet,” the bar hopper spoke. “Many fine females do gather here.”
“Yes,” spake the prophet. “And now I give unto thee a new prophecy. Many horny male scribes shall come to Fritz’s from all corners of the earth.”
Little Waldorf Saloon
1661 N. Virginia St., 337-9255
And the prophet came upon what seems to be a hunting lodge. Many dead animals adorneth the pillars of the Little Waldorf. But lest thee judge it a country bar, the prophet could spot only moderate liberals gathered inside. Video games and pool did tempt the weak, and while the prophet and bar hopper both were so full they wanted to vomit, previous experience did tell them the Little Waldorf makes pleasing, if greasy, food for weary travelers.
2195 N. Virginia St., 322-9595
In their final ministry, the prophet and bar hopper came to Archie’s. Built upon a restaurant, the bar part of Archie’s doth overwhelm with its cleanliness, suave design and clever lighting. The prophet, who has always enjoyed being condescending to peasants, felt right at home in Archie’s. While still stuffed, the prophet had eaten here before and been well pleased. Very fine liquors did cause the prophet to sway in the bathroom while the bar hopper blew $40 in about three minutes playing video poker.