Here’s to 2007
We in the editorial department at the Reno News & Review would like to offer our readers a healthy and happy New Year.
In the interest of advancing the cause of all Northern Nevadans, we thought it might be wise to be specific, so we have some specific hopes and wishes that will help ensure such health and geniality for all who live in the Truckee Meadows.
First, we hope our troops will begin to come home from Iraq and Afghanistan, and our time there will somehow turn out to have advanced our country’s interests.
We hope Dean Heller will return to the kinder, gentler public servant he was before running for the U.S. House.
We wish science would design a vitamin that converts body fat to muscle and excess skin into something you could feed your fish.
We wish, for just one week, that all the road construction in downtown Reno would be complete.
We wish industry would come out with an Olestra that didn’t cause anal leakage.
We wish everyone would remember what it was they loved about their significant other when they first fell in love.
We wish a convincing argument would arise that would encourage people to neuter or spay their pets.
We hope we can tell you if the RG-J’s new editor’s middle name starts with an O. Because that would be a great porn name.
We hope somebody buys you a universal remote for your TV, VCR, CD, DVD and sound system.
We wish your addictions would fall away like autumn leaves.
We hope you don’t play the lottery, but if you do, we hope you win.
We hope you discover one great new band in 2007.
We wish Everybody Loves Raymond would move to the Nick at Night channel on cable.
We wish our investigative bureaus and media would pay as much attention to the possible murders of the people at the Mizpah Hotel as they’re going to pay to Charla Mack and Kathy Augustine.
We wish they’d get the streetlights timed on the McCarran Loop, Virginia Street, Kietzke Lane, Fourth Street and Prater Way, Arlington Avenue and a couple of others.
We wish manufacturers would figure out a way to bring down the cost of printer cartridges or quit price fixing.
We hope your acne stops flaring up. Your cold sores, too.
We wish we’d get enough precipitation to fill the reservoirs but not enough to wash out homes and businesses.
We hope that Jim Gibbons outperforms our low expectations for him.
We wish that a national system of health care would arise out of the ashes of the Bush administration.
We hope your feelings are true and optimistic.
We hope your chickens lay eggs like crazy, and none of your animals need the final trip to the vet.
We hope all your grades turn out to be A’s, and all your teachers inspire you.
Now, cross your fingers.