Grimm predictions

Our movie guy looks ahead at the coming year of cinematic attractions

The coming year is loaded with many things of a cinematic nature. This is but a small sampling. Keep in mind that all dates are subject to change, and the only thing that really matters is that there is a new Star Wars movie coming out in December.

Well, actually, the fact that new Twin Peaks, Wet Hot American Summer and Evil Dead stories are going into production this year matters, but those are for television. Television is getting really cool.

Jupiter Ascending (February 5):

The long delayed next picture from the Wachowski directing team (The Matrix) looks super goofy. Mila Kunis, who is quite lovable but simply can’t act, and Channing Tatum costar. Tatum has what looks like Vulcan ears and some really bad haircuts in this one.

Fifty Shades of Grey (February 13):

If you are excited about this movie I weep for you and the souls of your present and future children.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (February 20):

If you are excited about this sequel without John Cusack, well, you are excused. It does look pretty funny.

Chappie (March 6):

Neill Blomkamp (District 9) makes a movie about a kidnapped robot. I would much rather see that Alien 5 thing he was supposedly working on.

Insurgent (March 20):

Sequel to Divergent, a.k.a. sequel to a humongous piece of crap.

Zombeavers (March 20):

This is a film about zombie beavers. I don't think it is getting a major release, but it does exist and is slated for some sort of release on this date. I just had to mention it.

Furious 7 (April 3):

I'm not absolutely sure, but I'm thinking some cars drive around really fast and stuff in this one.

Ex Machina: (Date TK)

Alex Garland, who wrote 28 Days Later, directs this one about the complications of a world part inhabited by very realistic robots.

Avengers: Age of Ultron (May 1):

Super mega summer movie season basically kicks off with the second Avengers movie. This one has Steff from Pretty in Pink (James Spader) voicing the evil title character.

Mad Max: Fury Road (May 15):

After many false starts and jettisoning Mel Gibson, George Miller brings his iconic character back with Tom Hardy in the big role and Charlize Theron sporting a shaved head.

Warren Beatty Movie that Has No Name Yet (May 21):

Warren Beatty plays Howard Hughes—old Howard Hughes. Beatty directs for the first time in 14 years.

Tomorrowland (May 22):

George Clooney stars for director Brad Bird in a film that may or may not have something to do with the Disney park attraction. This is a passion project for Bird, who passed on directing the next Star Wars movie in order to make it.

Entourage (June 5):

I went through an Entourage phase. It ended well before Sasha Grey joined the cast.

Jurassic World (June 12):

Judging by the trailer, this looks awful. Like, really awful. Domesticated raptors running along Chris Pratt's motorcycle? What are they thinking?

Inside Out / The Good Dinosaur (June 19) / (November 25):

These would be the two Pixar movies you are getting in 2015. Feel blessed. Feel very blessed.

Terminator: Genisys (July 1):

Arnold Schwarzenegger, who has returned from his stint as governor to become box office poison as of late, looks to perk things up in yet another cyborg movie. It could be shitty, but it definitely looks better than that Jurassic Park sequel.

Ant Man (July 17th):

Edgar Wright was supposed to direct Paul Rudd in this latest from the Marvel secondary core. I say again, Edgar Wright was supposed to direct this. He is not directing anymore. I am worried.

Poltergeist (July 24):

Normally, I would not be excited about yet another remake, but this one stars Sam Rockwell, so I am marginally excited about yet another remake.

Pixels (July 24):

Adam Sandler and other nerds are hired to fight 1980s era video game villains attacking New York City. This has to be one of the greatest films ever made. I'm not being sarcastic.

Fantastic Four (August 7):

Fox is trying again with another adaptation of the amazing quartet. Miles Teller of Whiplash fame plays the rubber guy, Kate Mara plays The Invisible Woman, Michael B. Jordan is The Human Torch and Jamie Bell (yes, that Jamie Bell) is The Thing. Sounds really weird.

The Walk (October 2):

When Philippe Petit walked between the Twin Towers on a tightrope in the '70s, I was a totally freaked-out little kid. Now, with Robert Zemeckis directing and Joseph Gordon-Levitt starring in a recreation of one of history's all-time greatest stunts, I expect to be totally freaked out as an adult.

Vacation (October 9):

So far, this Vacation reboot is still just being called Vacation. Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo return, but this one is more about a grown up Rusty (Ed Helms) taking his family on a trip. It all seems kind of farty.

Crimson Peak (October 16):

This one, purported to be a gothic haunted house story, is another one of the projects Guillermo del Toro wanted to make instead of getting bogged down in Hobbit hell. Based on Pacific Rim, I already think del Toro made the right choice. I’ve got a good feeling about this one.

Knock Knock (October 28):

Let's see if Keanu Reeves can stay on a roll in 2015 after John Wick. This one is directed by Eli Roth, who also directed Cabin Fever, Hostel and something called The Green Inferno, a movie that never got released. The Green Inferno is a cannibal movie that got caught up in litigation and was supposed to be released in 2014. Actually, I’m far more interested in seeing The Green Inferno than Knock Knock.

Spectre (November 6):

James Bond returns with both Daniel Craig and Sam Mendes still in place from the last installment.

Peanuts (November 6):

Hey, look, it's a Peanuts movie right before the holiday season kicks off. Charlie Brown gets an updated, more detailed look, and it seems like they’ve done a good job nailing the voices. I’m of the generation that appreciates this sort of thing, and I will be there, York Peppermint Patties in hand.

The Hateful Eight (November 13):

Quentin Tarantino doing another Western. I thought Django Unchained was his weakest movie, but I do cherish the idea of Tarantino going wild in the West again.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2 (November 20):

The games come to a conclusion, and Jennifer Lawrence gets freed up to do other things. Rumor has it she wants to be a Ghostbuster.

Midnight Special (November 25):

Jeff Nichols, the man who gave us Mud and Take Shelter, returns with Michael Shannon as a dad who discovers his son has special powers.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens (December 18):

In case you haven't heard, there's a new Star Wars on the horizon and J.J. Abrams, the man who made Star Trek cool again, is at the helm. Harrison Ford … Han Solo. That is all that needs to really be said about this.

Mission Impossible 5 (December 25):

Yes … Tom Cruise is still making these.