Grassgasm while you can

While prancing about all barefoot in the land of wonderful and enjoying the Grassburst I wrote about last week—it really is quite something—it struck me this label can be boiled down a bit further. I mean, here in the modern age, it usually behooves a journalist if he/she can “sex up” a story a bit, and in this case, I can take “grassburst,” which was an OK descriptor, and eroticize it juicily and call it a Grassgasm. Right? Sexed up! After all, we are talking about spring and birds and bees and all that jazz. Actually, I can boil it down even further and just call it a “Grasm.” As in a grazz-um, a Gaian orgasm of grass, a completely haywire botanical event taking place in selected areas of northern Nevada right now. Used in a sentence—“I was eating a sandwich while seated in the midst of the Great Grasm of 2015.” Or, “Back off, dude, can’t you see I’m gettin’ my grasm on?”

Also out there right now with all them grass plants are little sprouts of various wildflowers. Millions of 'em, freshly germinated. If we can get one more decent rain shower—or two—our local desert is going to basically lose its mind with a spectacular bloom. Alas, that's looking like a mighty big “if.” I just looked at the 10-day, and wetness appears to be more scarce than gin blossoms at a day care center. C'est la vie!

On the subject of capital punishment, it's not very hard to look around and see that we are in a state of extreme tizziness. All the principals are in some kind of tizzy. The drug manufacturers are in a tizzy cuz they don't want their stuff used to kill people. The states are in a tizzy cuz they're out of decent death dope, and the new killer cocktails they've been brewing up are like a dull knife—they just ain't cuttin' it. (One new drug combo performed so poorly that the unfortunate murderer guinea pig just kinda laid there and gulped for air for 20 minutes like a catfish on a dock, and nobody wanted to see that except maybe the family/friends of the guy's victims.) The prisons are in a tizzy cuz they got all these dudes on Death Row they need to process somehow, and for the time being, all they can do is stack these bad boys up while the search for an easy, simple, uncruel Death Drug continues. Hell, Utah's capital punishment tizzy resulted in its recent declaration, “Sod it, we're just gonna shoot the bastards.”

Well, let me fire up the obvious—an ongoing specialty of This Space—and suggest that maybe the way out of all this rampaging tizziness is—well, haven't junkies been showing us simple and effective methods of death by injection with years and years of dedicated research in this particular field?