Going to the chapel …

Sure, you might spend more time talking about the guest list or the dinner menu or even what color napkins to get, but the music is one of the most important aspects of any wedding. One of the many functions of music in life is to carry our memories: whatever music you hear on your wedding day will forever remind you of the day, so choose wisely.

Having a knowledgeable DJ is essential. You might craft what you believe to be the perfect wedding day iTunes playlist only to find, for example, that the reception dance party is progressing at a slightly different speed than anticipated. In your mind, the week before, you imagined that “Hey Ya!” would lead perfectly into “Burning Down the House,” which makes sense, until everybody goes totally nuts during the former, and then leaves the dance floor for a glass of water during the latter, so that one of the all-time great sing-along choruses gets unfairly neglected. A slower cool-down song would’ve been better.

A good DJ can react to those rhythms on the floor and adjust their playlist accordingly. A good DJ will also take your recommendations and cater their choices to your tastes, so by all means make a playlist—and, just as important, a “do not play” list—but let the pro choose when to play what.

The Ceremony:

Richard Wagner’s “Bridal Chorus” is all played out. I defy you to hear it and not think, “Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.” It induces snickers when you want tears. But for the bride’s big ceremony entrance, you do want something elegant, romantic and instrumental. For classic classy classical music, Johann Pachelbel’s “Canon in D” is a better choice than Wagner.

I’m going to brag for a minute. My wife and I chose the perfect song for the procession. We got married in Virginia City and our wedding had a Western theme. For her walk down the aisle, we went with “Jill’s America,” Ennio Morricone’s lush, haunting romantic theme from Once Upon a Time in the West.

Most of the musical suggestions I’ll make here are open for everybody. Feel free to reuse them. But you can’t have that one. That song is ours.

However, I will say that film music is great for wedding ceremonies—especially old-fashioned orchestral movie themes that might sound melodramatic in other situations. If it’s from a movie you bonded over early in your courtship, or holds some other special significance, so much the better.

First Dance:

“These Arms of Mine,” “That’s How Strong My Love Is,” or “I’ve Been Loving You Too Long (To Stop Now)”—you really can’t go wrong with Otis Redding.

“To be totally basic about soul, you can break it into smooth, pop soul and then gritty, greasy, dirty soul,” says Andrew McCullough, a.k.a. DJ Andrew, who hosts pop and soul dance nights at local bars and DJs the occasional wedding. “The gritty greasy dirty soul is what’s sexy and makes people gyrate. And the smooth, pop soul makes people bounce up and down. [Redding] had a really a good balance of being really sexual and gritty, but at the same time he had a very appealing pop sound to his music, so there’s definitely a good balance between the smooth and gritty sounds.”

A perfect combination of two seemingly opposite things—isn’t that what marriage is all about?

If you don’t like Otis … you might want to reconsider marriage … but how about “This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody)” by Talking Heads, one of the best love songs of the ’80s? Or, for a more recent song, how about “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros?

The Father-Daughter Dance:

“Father and Daughter” by Paul Simon. Too obvious? Maybe, but it works. It’s what my wife chose for her first dance.

“It’s just a sweet song,” says my wife, Sara. “And besides, my dad really likes Paul Simon.”

The Party:

For the dance party at the reception, McCullough says, “Again, you can’t go wrong with Otis Redding … or James Brown, as long as you don’t play ‘I Feel Good.’ …

A good song that, no matter how many times you hear it, it still gives you a little tingle in your spine and makes you want to dance is the Isley Brothers’ ‘Shout.’ Same thing with The Beatles’ ‘Twist and Shout.’ No matter how many times I hear it, it’s exciting.”

For dancing, people want music that’s upbeat and familiar but not overplayed. Depending on the crowd, this might mean Motown, ’80s New Wave or Golden Age hip-hop, or better yet, some combination of all three. There are usually multiple generations represented at a wedding, so the music might need broad appeal.

“I think Motown is the most appealing thing across the board,” says Teree Yount, a.k.a. DJ Tiger Bunny, who performs around town regularly, including at Sonic Mass, her weekly DJ night at Chapel Tavern. She was also, full disclosure, the DJ at my wedding.

“If there are children present, they seem to want to hear Madonna,” she says.

The Garter Toss:

At our wedding, we made the impromptu decision to do a garter toss set to Joan Jett’s version of “Do You Want to Touch Me?” Whether or not you also feel comfortable using a song written by a convicted pedophile—Gary Glitter—is your call, but it’s pretty perfect. McCullough says he once DJed a wedding where the garter toss was set to the Mission: Impossible theme song.

“It was fun and goofy,” he says. “Not at all sexy.”

The Do Not Play List:

Almost as important as the songs that are played at the wedding are those that you request not be played.

“There’s lots of cliché dance wedding songs, like Kool and the Gang,” says McCullough. “Seventies lite funky disco is pretty standard for wedding fare.”

Songs like “Brick House” by the Commodores and “YMCA” by the Village People don’t ever need to be played again. And Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean” might seem like a great wedding song, because everybody knows it, and you’d have to be an 80-year-old walrus with broken flippers not to dance to it, but, lyrically, is a song about rejecting a pregnant groupie really how you want to remember your wedding day?

There are also first-dance songs that have become cliché. “Tons of people use ‘At Last’”—usually the Etta James version, according to Yount. “That’s the most popular first dance song of all time, I think … so if anyone ever wants to use it, I’m always like, uh … you should use something else.”

McCullough suggests also avoiding Larry Graham’s “One in a Million You” and “anything by Celine Dion.”

Some things you’d hope would go without saying, but love makes people do some foolish things sometimes. The most important thing is to play music that you actually like, what you and your betrothed actually enjoy listening to together—not just the music you think your aunts and uncles will expect to hear.