Game and Groom

SPOILER ALERT. Game of Thrones spoiler. If you care, just bail right now, because it’s been stewing in me now for two months, metastasizing, growing, searching for its voice. It’s gotta come out.

Goddammit, Dany should’ve killed Jon. She should have torched his ass, knowing that, in the end, he was nothing but trouble. Just lay a great speech of total madness on him right there when they were alone in front of The Throne, with Dany still in the throes of a violent and passionate super turn-on ignited by laying waste to King’s Landing. At the conclusion of her terrifying rap of mega death conquest, knowing that she’s totally and thoroughly blown Jon’s mind with the horrific self-revelation of her total Targaryen transformation, she says calmly, “And so, it’s time to say goodbye, my love” and then cooly orders Drogon to “Dracarify” him. Then, cue The Who. “Won’t Get Fooled Again.” Roger screams. “Meet the new boss! Same as the old boss!” We would have lost our everlovin’ minds!

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So you want an Area 51 experience? I can give you one. This is the real deal. Do this.

You need a trailer. That’s best for this assignment. At least a tent trailer. With your R.V., you go 20 miles south of crazy burg Rachel on Hwy 375. There, you find Groom Lake Road, a marked, good quality gravel road. Take that road, and a few miles down, you’ll see a place where a couple of trailer spaces have been carved out. Park in these perfect spots, set up shop, and enjoy the beauty of the dusk out there. It’ll be warm, clear and quiet. Do your happy hour scene, and then, dig the sunset, the dusk and the darkening sky, with all the summer constellations that brilliantly twinkle into view. And finally, when it’s dark enough, observe the glow of the lights of Vegas to the south. An obvious pulse from an entity of considerable size. Then, look over to the ridge to the west, and notice—how light it is over there. You’re looking directly at Area 51, and sonuvagun, its glow is damn near as bright as that of Vegas.

That’s all you’ll need to experience. You don’t need to see aliens. You don’t need to be hassled by government agents. You’ll see the lights of 51, the Great Glow of Groom Lake. You’ll wonder about those lights. You’ll talk about them, and then … you’ll have a great night’s sleep in the beautiful quiet cool desert … without one clue as to WTF is really going out there.