Eulogy for Antonin

I very much enjoyed President Obama’s remarks after Justice Antonin Scalia unexpectedly headed off to the Great Wherever. “Judge Scalia had a brilliant legal mind with an energetic style, incisive wit, and colorful opinions.” Translation—“The dude hated my guts, I hated his, and the number of tears shed in this White House upon his demise will be approximately the same as the number of sperm whales in Lake Mead.”

To call the death of Scalia “shocking” is slightly melodramatic. Let’s face it, there’s absolutely nothing shocking about a rotund, 79-year-old man playing with guns at a remote Texas hunting ranch going bye-bye via heart attack. Not even the tiniest, infinitesimal iota of shock. Of course, this won’t stop the ding-dong wing of the Republican Party from issuing breathlessly insane statements from its headquarters in Yoyoton, Florida, about how Obama had Scalia offed by a pillow-wielding hitman and so forth. I read this stuff belching forth on the ever Wacky Web and yearn for a doobie of the obviously high quality shit these kooks are harfing with gusto.

President Obama couldn’t say it, but I sure as hell can. Scalia was a villainous dirtbag who could be counted on, 100 percent of the time, to make a completely horrific call on whatever decision was before the court. He won’t be missed. Not for a second.

As for the Republican snitfit to deny Obama the chance to seat a new judge, it’s outrageous, ridiculous, and borderline treasonous. Sorry, Grand Wizard McConnell and the rest of your Repub Reptiles, but you should have told Scalia to cool it with the steaks and martinis and the shooting of javelinas or whatever the fuck he was blowing up out there in the Big Bend desert and make sure he stayed alive a few more months. As it stands now, you do-nothing sad sacks have to deal with the reality of Oops. Bad timing. Heh heh. Gee, ain’t that a shame?

In the history of the United States, no Senate has ever pulled a stunt of the kind that the eternally-pissy McConnell is proposing. Never. The longest stretch for an eight-man Supreme Court was 120 days, which is how long it took an anti-Semite Senate to affirm Woodrow Wilson’s nomination of Jewish Louis Brandeis, who went on to become one of the great Supremes ever. In the present situation, it’s safe to assume that President Obama will fire up a nominee by, at least, March 15. That means there will probably be either a confirmation or, more likely, rejection, by mid-July, at the latest. But now that the Republicans have shown the President their hole card, Obama is free to make a savvy play that will make these obstructionists look feeble, futile and petty when and if they actually reject. Prediction: Barack will nominate a judge whom Republicans will pretty much have to confirm—and the Supreme Court will be greatly improved as a result.