Don’t believe me? See the movie.

One day, Chicken Little was walking in the woods when—KERPLUNK—an acorn fell on her head.

“Oh my goodness!” said Chicken Little. “The sky is falling! I must go and tell the king.”

And so begins the E. L. Easton children’s fable.

By now you’ve probably heard of a similar fable being recited ad nausea by former Vice President Al Gore, to-wit: An Inconvenient Truth. In his “documentary,” he asserts the end of days unless we begin reducing carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gas emissions caused by bourgeoisie manufacturing and consumption.

The subtext for his environmental histrionics is, of course, the Great Satan’s (that would be George W. Bush) refusal to sign onto the Kyoto Protocol, which calls for said reductions in greenhouse gases. (Because after all, the big, bad Republicans prefer polluted air and water to clean air and water, right?)

In any event, let’s recall that right before the Kyoto Protocol was negotiated, the U.S. Senate passed the Byrd-Hagel Resolution (also known as Senate Resolution 98) on July 25, 1997. This little piece of legislation clearly stated that, in the opinion of the Senate, the United States shouldn’t sign on to any treaty that didn’t include binding targets and timetables for both developing and developed industrialized nations, or it “would result in serious harm to the economy of the United States.”

And the vote count? 95-0.

You may note that, if consistency were a consideration, then not one senator would have voted in favor of the protocol. And that includes Massachusetts Sen. John “I voted against it, but I would have voted for it” Kerry and his loud-mouthed compatriot Ted Kennedy.

But on Nov. 12, 1998, Vice President Al Gore signed the protocol anyway. All too aware of the Senate’s view, however, the Clinton administration didn’t have the intestinal fortitude to even submit it for a ratification vote.

According to the Drudge Report, we also know the following: Al Gore’s airplane burned in excess of 65,600 gallons of jet fuel and cost more than $131,000 to get him to and from Kyoto just to ink his “symbolic” signature.

Of course, with An Inconvenient Truth, we are now ostensibly in a full-ought “crisis.” Or perhaps not, considering the movie’s election year timing.

If one simply ignores the messenger, the message still suffers from some “inconvenient truths” that Chicken Little neglects to mention. First, not all scientists are in agreement over global warming. Second, the same environmental loons claimed we’d all be turned into icicles due to global cooling back in the ‘70s.

Even if you subscribe to global warming, I’m quite certain melting polar caps aren’t likely to raise ocean levels any more than melting ice cubes in a soft drink cause the cup to overflow. (I mean, is a little common sense too much to ask for here?) And besides, don’t warmer temperatures mean a longer growing season? (Which in turn means more food for all those starving people in Africa?)

Although as long as we’re on the subject of global warming, perhaps someone can explain the Tongass National Forest’s Hubbard Glacier to me. According to the U.S. Forest Service, that glacier isn’t melting, it’s advancing.

“The Hubbard Glacier ice margin has continued to advance for about a century. In 1986, the glacier temporarily closed the connection between Russell Fjord and Disenchantment Bay.” (www.fs.fed.us/r10/tongass/hubbard/index.shtml)

I’m quite certain there are other cogent contradictions to the global warming trend that are conveniently ignored by Gore and Company. As we know, the man who invented the Internet couldn’t possibly be exaggerating anything because, hey, the sky really is falling!