Dispute lessons

By now, you’ve seen the coverage. You’ve heard the story. You’ve digested the material. At least, I hope you have, or you won’t know what the heck I’m talking about. So what have we learned from this notorious episode of Kitty Jung, feisty County Commish?

1. When the cops are doing business a few houses down from your place, keep your dumb ass at home. Nobody likes a buttinski. If the cops want your opinion or information, don’t worry, they’ll get in touch.

2. The next time a police officer asks you to blow into a breathalyzer, it appears that a response of “Get that shit out of my face!” is perfectly acceptable. Hey, who knew? It now looks as though when faced with this retort, the cop will promptly put his booze detector away and be done with the subject. A saucy blast of “GTSOOMF” will not, apparently, get you cuffed and face-first on the ground, sucking sidewalk. This knowledge could be very handy in the future if you’re a drinker.

3. Whenever you, as a Washoe County Commissioner, are tempted to ask the question, “Do you know who I am?” reconsider. The chances are very good, unfortunately, that the addressee will indeed not know who you are. What can you say? In this day and age, Americans barely know who the vice-president is, much less their county commissioners. So this question just sets the table for awkward weirdness and other poor vibrations.

4. When you, the county commissioner, dare to go ahead and ask that question anyway, and you instantly perceive that the addressee doesn’t have a clue as to your identity, try to inform them that you’re a local big shot without the use of any F-bombs. Many addressees, especially cops, consider F-bombs to be subtle, or not so subtle, declarations of shitfacedness. You want, at all times, county commissioner or not, to keep such declarations to an absolute minimum.

5. The city of Sparks doesn’t seem to value the testimony of police officers. In announcing his decision to not prosecute Commish Jung, Sparks City Attorney Chet Adams said, “We didn’t think there was enough evidence to enable us to prove a crime had been committed beyond a reasonable doubt.” With this statement, Adams pretty much declared that the testimony of 3 to 4 Reno cops on the scene at the time of Jung’s antics were worthless in court. Again, this is a really good thing for you and your attorney to know.

6. A hot blonde who can outbench most men, knows what to do with a bottle of red, doesn’t take any shit from cops (“You just got your ass kicked by a girl!”) and currently holds a position of political influence? Sounds like reality TV gold! Or a new series on AMC.