Diceman

Andrew Dice Clay is a comedian who needs little introduction. He’ll perform at the Grand Sierra Resort and Casino on March 22. Tickets are available at 789-2285. This interview started out as a straight “What’s your show going to be about?” interview but took a strange turn. It turns out Dice is a genuine guy. Read the whole interview on the Sacred Cow Meatpacking Company blog.

How has your act changed?

We live in a technological world; we live in a world where everything is about technology. I think people have become more assholes than they were years ago. There’s more to make fun of. They’re more involved with their cell phones than they are with their own children. In this day and age, you leave your house, if you forget your phone, and you’re a half-mile, two miles from your house, you go into like a cold sweat, “I’d better get home and get my phone.” But in the meantime, you leave your newborn baby with some fucking nanny, and not care what goes on with the kid.

Along those lines, why you haven’t updated your website in a year?

Because I’m a … very … stupid … man. And if you talk to anybody who knows me, works with me … I’ll be quite honest, there’s this girl I like. I wanted to see some pictures of her, so she told me her website, her Myspace. It took nearly two hours to find her. The only reason it was found is ’cause my 13-year-old came into the room and said, “Dad, what are you doing?” I said, “Can you help me with this?” “Dad, just get up.” He hit a couple buttons, and there it was. I’m just not good at it, and I just don’t care about it that much. Unless there’s a chick involved. This is the first time, you know, I just went through an awful divorce, and what happened was I actually got engaged to a girl while I was married …

Yeah, yeah, I heard about that.

So it ended the marriage obviously. So now both of them left me because I was with the one I was engaged to, and I started seeing somebody else. So they all broke up with me—I’ll put it to you that way. So now I’m single for the first time in many years.

And how’s that going for you?

It’s going good, like I said, “Well, here we are, Myspace.”

I’m just single myself, and it kinda sucks.

How long were you married?

I was with her for 13 years.

Yeah, see, I went 16 years. And it’s the type of thing where once you’re out there again, it’s kind of fun, but you actually sound like the type of guy who looks to have more of a steady relationship, somebody who likes something more solid in their life. And I understand that because I was like that. Now that you’re out there, you know what, have a good time.

I had a good time. It’s fun when you start, and then it just gets boring.

Well, how long you been apart?

About a year now.

You see, what’s going to happen is you’re going to meet somebody now that’s going to mean more to you than, you know, just bouncing up and down on your mattress for a half-hour, and you’ll wind up in a real relationship again. It’s what happens all the time. It’s a vicious cycle.

It is vicious.

Once again, it’s all the same, no matter what you do. But as long as you have an outlook, like my outlook towards … um … relationships is even though something didn’t work—maybe I was wrong—I don’t know—with certain things. Even though something doesn’t work for whatever reasons, I really believe that you can be with somebody that it will work.

I agree.

You’ll be all right with that.