Dark Shadows

Rated 2.0

Dark Shadows: After the boring tragedy that was Alice in Wonderland, the normally reliable Tim Burton and Johnny Depp team up once again to induce nap time with this plodding adaptation of the cult fave vampire soap opera from the ’60s. Depp plays Barnabas Collins, cursed by an evil witch (Eva Green) two centuries ago and buried in the Earth. Somebody digs up his coffin to make way for a McDonald’s and, boom, Barnabas is strutting around in the ’70s. Or at least he should be. As it turns out, he just spends most of his time moping around his mansion droning his lines. This had the looks of something potentially funny and weird, but Burton actually goes for the soap opera feel, a move that doesn’t work on the big screen. I would really like to see Depp do another real drama or smart comedy without burying himself under makeup and wigs. Having seen what he looks like in The Lone Ranger, I know I won’t be getting my wish soon.