Chasing technology

You know, the best thing about losing your iPhone is that you no longer have to worry about losing your iPhone. You finally lost the damned thing! The pressure's off! What a relief!

Yep, on my recent journey through southern Utah, I did indeed lose my beloved phone. To this day, I still can't believe I actually lost the damned thing—any minute now, I'm gonna remember where I absent-mindedly tossed/stashed/hid the poor little gizmo. Or that its location might finally be revealed to me in some kind of lucid dream. But it still remains real gone, thus making me a temporary throwback to that stone age time known as “The '90s.” Urk.

But in my frantic search for my darling doodad, I came upon something that all my iPhone brethren should be aware of—an amazing app called Find My iPhone. It's truly an impressive ally to have on your side.

I was in a motel room in beautiful downtown Hanksville, Utah, after an afternoon of backtracking and searching in vain. (The last time I remember the phone in my hand was in Natural Bridges National Monument, where I had taken a stunningly fabulous, Ansel Adams-esque photo of a raven in a dead tree. Allow me to humbly assert that its disappearance is a loss for humanity at large. C'est la vie!) I had finally given up and taken the next step, which was to connect to the motel's wi-fi on my iPad and ask, “What Do I Do When I Lose My iPhone?” (I noticed about this time that losers of iPhones go through the exact same Kubler-Rossian “Denial-Anger-Bargaining-Depression-Acceptance cycle that those facing imminent death do.)

Google said, “download the Find My iPhone app.” Once installed, it took this rockin' little program less than a minute to find my iPad, and show, via Google map, that it was indeed in Hanksville. No, no, no, I instructed, find my damned iPHONE. In a flash, this techno-sleuth then informed me the phone was off and couldn't be found. But that the next time it came online, the app could (1) play a loud tone to help me find it in case it was still in my car/bag, (2) flash a message on the phone's screen, informing whomever may have found it to call me at the number I entered, or (3) blow the thing up. That is, erase all its data.

I opted for options 1 and 2, holding off on the third, in hopes that perhaps someone might find the phone and turn it into the N.B.N.M. Visitor Center (still no word). But the point here, fellow Apple eaters, is that there is some way cool and very Big Brotherish technology at your command to help you locate and maybe even retrieve your iBaby. It's awesome, impressive, and yes, a bit spooky, when you ponder it. But one day, it might save you a pile of hassle. Remember, to download this app, you have to be living in The Cloud. And obviously, if you're traveling with only one iOS, you're gonna be SOL. So there's that.