Charles and Camilla elope to Reno!

The future King and Queen memorialize their royal love at one of Reno’s top chapels

Photo By F. Stop Fitzsimian

Troutboy busted for truancy

As if it weren’t bad enough being the only half-human, half-fish humanoid in Washoe County schools, Ronny Brown ended up in Principal Susan Mayes’s office trying to explain his whereabouts for the last few days.

“C’mon,” he said, using International Sign Language, “I’m a fish. I’m in school all the time.”

The young Brown has missed quite a bit of class lately, according to classmates, who can’t be named because of their youth. They claim he has been spending time down at the river with a bad crowd, spawning despite his unmarried state and the advice of his SHARE counselors.

According to witnesses, when the justifiably angry principal demanded answers, the truant fishboy just stared at her with unblinking eyes and a gaping mouth.

Prince Charles and his long-time lover Camilla Parker Bowles got married last week at the Chapel of the Bells drive-through wedding chapel in Reno, Buckingham Palace announced yesterday.

Palace spokesperson Reginald Felchminister said that the couple were apparently tired of all the hoopla surrounding their upcoming marriage ceremony in England, so they “buggered off to America” to get hitched.

The couple were scheduled to marry at Windsor Castle but were forced to move the wedding to a less conspicuous location—Reno. A press release issued by Buckingham Palace stated that Charles and Camilla wanted to exchange all the royal pomp and circumstance for a taste of the “common life” and to have a “down-home, American-style wedding.”

Photo By F. Stop Fitzsimian

Witnesses say the bride wore a violet polyester dress purchased at the Northtowne Wal-Mart, while the groom sported a tuxedo T-shirt with black jeans and high-topped tennis shoes that he purchased at the J.C. Penney outlet on Gregg Street. There was no white worn at the wedding, according to a Chapel of the Bells employee.

The reception was held at the Circus-Circus buffet, where the few guests paid for their own dinners. Drink tokes were used to get wine coolers for the wedding toast.

“It was sooo romantic,” gushed Selina Fanny, who watched the reception through the gates at the front of the buffet. “He looked a little like a real king.”

The newlyweds drove off to their honeymoon destination at the Overland Hotel in Fallon, where they spent their wedding night in Room 5, according to a hotel maid who cleaned their room. Charles and Camilla reportedly enjoyed a night of “cowboy karaoke,” cheap drinks and a late-night snack of Rocky Mountain oysters at the Overland’s rustic and uniquely decorated bar.

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