Captivity

I would love to tell you that this lousy film means the end of shitty torture movies for 2007, but Saw 4 is on the way later this year, so the hell seemingly never ends. Elisha Cuthbert stars as a model who drinks a spiked apple martini and winds up trapped in somebody’s basement. (The story of my life!) While there, her captor makes her shoot her own dog and drink a bloody shake made out of ground-up human eyeballs and ears. Nice. She soon discovers that there’s another prisoner (Daniel Gillies) in the cell next to hers, and the two have a love affair. The film thinks it’s clever with some of its twists and turns, but those who’ve endured many a junk film like this will probably see them coming. This swill was directed by Roland Joffe, nominated for an Oscar twice in the past (The Mission and The Killing Fields). Oh, how the mighty have fallen.