Breaking news!

Water babies have been found in Washoe County toilets, say residents.

“I was so afraid,” said Domenick Oaks, a 7-year-old boy who lives in the Old Southwest part of Reno. “At first, I thought my baby sister fell in, but when I looked in, I saw a web-handed creature with ears that looked like little webbed spikes. It was crying like my little sister, but my little sister doesn’t look so evil.”

Experts in paranormal activity said the water babies have probably migrated up the Truckee River from Pyramid Lake and found their way into the city sewer system.

“They’re the spirits of people who died in the lake,” said TMCC ethnoaquabiologist Gwen Stephanie. “When they make those baby cries, people swim out to save them, and the spirits snag the would-be rescuers and drag them under. Then, the water baby can go on to the next world, but the new trapped spirit must find a victim. They’re harmless, as long as you don’t attempt to save them.”

Mrs. Hillary Grundy, 1313 Mockingbird Lane, said the water babies are not harmless at all, and she has a missing cat to prove it.

“My kitty, Mr. Robin J. Pussinboots, used to drink from that toilet all the time,” said the distressed homemaker. “Last week, I heard him making a panicked meow sound, but by the time I got in there, all that was left of him were some droplets of moisture on the seat. I know it was them water babies because my husband, Carl, hadn’t been home for hours.”

Officials say not to go into the bathroom if there’s a strange baby crying in the toilet. Call 9-1-1 immediately—or just flush.

“They’re not real sophisticated as far as evil spirits go,” Reno Police Chief Michael Poehlman said. “One ‘kerflush,’ and that pretty much takes care of the problem.”

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