Bored by brilliance

The first few minutes of this film suggest it’s going to be a fun night at the movies. After one of those goofy theater concessions stand promos where soda, popcorn and a hotdog sing a jingle about eating snacks, an angry group of snacks delivers its own punk version. The lyrics are hysterical, and it’s a funny riff on an old joke. Then, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters becomes a truly boring movie, a disappointment for fans of the TV show and the uninitiated alike.

Personally, I’ve laughed hard at nearly every episode of the Adult Swim cartoon I’ve come across. A box of fries (Frylock), a milkshake (Master Shake) and a meatball (Meatwad) have a series of unimportant adventures, mostly involving their cranky New Jersey neighbor Carl. It’s very random humor that works well in compact, TV snippet form.

I don’t know if it’s proper to blame the big screen for what goes wrong with this picture. With a better script and tighter action, I think this could have been a lot more fun. There are far worse things to view out there than 90 minutes in a row of Aqua Teen, and an elongated format could’ve worked just fine.

As it stands, creators Matt Maiellaro and Dave Willis make a mistake in that they lack focus with the characters and fail to come up with enough of the bizarre dialogue and moments that make the show so great.

I’ve never been bored by Master Shake before, but he had me getting blurry eyed during this one.

There really isn’t a concrete plot, but from what I could gather, the film seems to be a satirical take on the “origin story.” The movie tries to solve the mystery of who parented the ATHF, and that’s a funny idea. It is the execution of that idea that is decidedly unfunny.

There are some good giggles. Meatwad’s impromptu concert involving the shooting of kittens from cannons is good stuff. The Mooninites, those little, finger-giving space invaders who managed to shut down Boston in a bomb scare a few weeks ago, deserve their own movie. I especially liked a slow motion sequence where they tried to steal a coffee table.

Regrettably, Carl, one of the funnier characters from the show, is given little to do. The hairy, cranky one winds up strapped to some whacked-out robot that’s destroying cities, which results in him being removed from the action. He gets minimal dialogue, and that’s a letdown for any Aqua Teen fan. An entire movie that involved the Teens screwing around in Carl’s pool would’ve been a blast. They don’t go in the pool once in this film. They talk about peeing in it, but we never see any pool action. Pool action is mandatory in anything involving the Aqua Teens!

I had seen Internet buzz some time ago about this film going direct to DVD. It may have just been a rumor, but it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that producers had considered the option. This film might just play better on a smaller screen. The funniest thing about this movie would be Master Shake farting every time he flexes his muscles, and that doesn’t bode well for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Their first big screen adventure will more than likely be their last. Let’s hope The Simpsons fare better later this year.

Dammit, I wanted to have a good time at this one. I’ve got many DVDs with wondrous Aqua Teen goodness to get me over the letdown. If you should possess some of these DVDs, might I suggest watching them rather than attempting to see the movie. As for animated features, it kicks ass on Meet the Robinsons. Other than that, there isn’t all that much positive to say.