Blondes and the French method
By the time you read this, the hubbub surrounding the Death of Anna Nicole will have greatly subsided. But one thing needs to be said about her head-on collision with her own expiration date.
It is simply not right for lazy entertainment “journalists” to continually and sloppily throw out comparisons between Anna Nicole and Marilyn Monroe. It’s not right because of one crucial point—Ms. Monroe actually possessed talent, whereas Ms. Smith did not. If one must compare Anna to a blonde bombshell from the ’60s, the perfect and proper bombshell to use is Jayne Mansfield, not MM. Jayne, like Anna, had one talent—being outrageously buxom. If you have no idea who Jayne Mansfield is, well, she was basically the Anna Nicole Smith of 45 years ago. Without the pills.
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A recent quote from Robert Gates, the new Secretary of Defense, perfectly illustrates the credibility problem that now plagues the Bush administration. Gates was talking about Iranian operatives causing trouble in Iraq. My instant response was, “Bullshit. We’re being set up again, this time for a move against Iran.” Now, I gotta admit, I have no idea if Iranian operatives are causing problems in Iraq. They very well could be.. But at this point, don’t you feel like a total chump believing anything that comes out of a Bushco mouth? The fable about the boy who cried wolf applies directly.
I don’t know about you, but I’m refusing to participate in this newly revved up presidential campaign. It’s simply too much, too soon. I’m not going to pay attention to anything any candidate has to say until next January, when the primaries and caucuses begin. Every time a story comes on about somebody launching an exploratory committee or having tea with old ladies in Iowa, I’m switching over to the Weather Channel. It’s nuts.
The French, on the other hand, are having an election this year. Here’s their schedule. On March 20, the official list of candidates will be announced. To make the list, a candidate must be endorsed by a minimum of 500 elected officials. Hopefuls are now busy accumulating the necessary endorsements to get on the ballot. On April 9, the campaign starts. On April 20, 12 days later, the campaign ends. On April 22, the first vote is taken. On April 25, the results of the first vote are announced. Then, the two top vote-getters face off in the next campaign, which goes on until the second vote on May 6. Total campaign time: 28 days. The candidate with the most votes wins (no electoral college), with results announced on May 10. One week later, the new president takes office. Spending caps for candidates in round one are $19 million (13.7 million Euros), and the cap for candidates who make it to round two is $24 million. Go ahead, call me a dirty, smelly Francophile, but I’d vote to boot our obscenely expensive and long electoral circus in favor of the French method in a hummingbird’s heartbeat.