Bland o’ lakes

Our friends Marcel and Lulou came from France to see Lake Tahoe.

“We want to sit on a deck and drink Lake Tahoe drinks and eat Lake Tahoe food with Lake Tahoe people,” Lulou instructed as they loaded their luggage into our car.

We took them to Gar Woods Grill & Pier Restaurant. We sat in the large, lively bar area amongst slick dudes in loud Hawaiian shirts and bronze babes just in from a day on the lake.

We started with Mangoritas ($7.75), served with a large-bore straw for rapid consumption.

Lulou was in paradise as she sipped her highly alcoholic, highly refreshing mango-flavored drink and took in the whole scene.

Marcel, too, enjoyed himself: We were sitting next to a 60-gallon barrel full of salted peanuts. He got a kick out of cracking one open, then tossing the shell willy-nilly onto the carpeted floor.

While we drank our Mangoritas, we noticed that everyone else was drinking an orangish Slurpee-like beverage—one after another after another.

Our waitress explained that this was the world-famous Gar Woods signature drink: the Wet Woody ($6.75). We split one. We determined that the Wet Woody was like a stick of Juicy Fruit gum soaked in alcohol.

“These drinks are just adult Slurpees that you can get really plowed on,” Michael concluded.

A sudden crashing noise came from a table of eight rowdy party boys on the deck, confirming Michael’s statement.

Later, we were seated for dinner in the lovely dining room. We could still see the lake through the open windows.

Our dinner began with a bashful bisque ($6.90) flavored with shrimp and lobster and topped with a mini biscuit.

“I prefer a more brusque bisque,” Michael said, and we all agreed.

We split an order of Dungeness crab cakes ($11.90), nicely presented on a triangular plate over butter lettuce.

“Are all American tomatoes so anemic?” Lulou asked of the translucent tomato slices.

Before we could answer, Marcel brought everyone’s attention to the wine list. Since he’s in the business, we deferred to his taste: a 2001 Rhône Blend Joseph Phelps Pastiche ($25 bottle), which he assured us would complement every dish with its earthy, flinty taste. He was right.

We salivated over the descriptions of our entrées on the menu: sesame ahi seared rare with stir fried vegetables and crisp soba noodles with wasabi-cucumber cream ($23.90); double cut lamb chops roasted with Asian spices served with minted apricots and scalloped potatoes ($24.90); seafood tagliarini with sautéed prawns, scallops, clams, Dungeness crab tossed with pesto ($23.90); smoked duck breast with wild rice, sliced zucchini, polenta and dried cherries ($22.90).

Michael’s lamb chops were delicious. Sorry to say, the rest of the dishes left a lot to be desired, from the bland polenta to the not-quite-garlicky-enough pesto. Marcel did enjoy the scallops, and Lulou loved the tart cherries in her duck dish.

Desserts were good. We split the mocha crunch ice cream cake with Skor bars ($6.90) and the poppy seed shortcake with fresh strawberries ($6.90), both of which were loaded with satiating cream and butter.

The scene, not the food, is the thing at Gar Woods. Marcel and Lulou got what they came for on their first night at Lake Tahoe.