Akrasia unbound

Wasn't it pretty much only one year ago that those of us interested in the ebb and flow of political fortune couldn't get out of the way of various Republicans thrashing about the fruited plain in their flop sweats of self-analysis? As in, “Where did it all go wrong?” The answers, of course, weren't particularly elusive. The numbers were right there, staring them in the face. Republicans were winning in one demographic. White alcoholic golfers. Everything else had swung decidedly Demo.

One of the main floggings Republicans had to endure as they gazed into the reflecting pool was the “Brown Beatdown.” GOP analysts had to cop to the obvious—Mexicans hate 'em. Guatemalans and Peruvians, too. Hispanically speaking, Romney and company were the pits. Three out of four Latino voters rolled with Democrats. Especially those Dems who threw good barbecue fundraisers. Changes will be made, promised Republican brahmins. We will move quickly to become attractive to America's Latino voting bloc and so on and so forth and yeah yeah right right right and whatever.

Now, one puny year later, it appears that the earnest resolve to make changes and corrections clashed head-on somehow with the secret operating manual that currently resides in Republican nightstands and dominates the GOP mojo. You know, the manual written by Grover Norquist, Joe the Plumber and Vlad the Impaler, the one that prizes unlikability, uncooperativeness and obstructionism over all.

Because there's an Immigration Reform Bill in D.C. right now that would really make a lot of Latino voters very happy. The Senate already passed it. How it got past Senate Republicans, I have no idea, but there are now some verifiable signs that this particular batch of Repubs can occasionally manage to not, repeat, not step on their own genitals. Anyway, the bill got through the Senate. The President's stance is basically, “Jesus, get this effing thing on my desk already!” All John Boehner has to do is bring this bill to the floor of the House, because the votes are there. It will pass, it will be sent to the Oval Office and it will become law. And presto, just like that, many, many Mexicans will, at least for a minute or two, stop loathing the Republican Party. It's a Venezuelan Valentine, a Honduran Hallmark card, just sitting there, waiting for delivery.

And Boehner, God bless him, looks out on his front lawn, at all the Latino protestors politely gathered there, imploring for this bill to come up for a vote. He looks out upon them, and he can't help himself. Against his better judgment, against all political expedience, he slowly, clearly, and figuratively—cranks up his middle finger. It's truly impressive to see how determined these guys are to pee in their coffee every chance they can.

Which is why I'm just not all that worried about the elections coming up in 11 months. Or in three years.