A kinder, gentler judgment day

Yet another wildflower update. It’s an overpoweringly insane year for Flora of The West. There’s a whole passel of various poseys showin’ off in the greened-up hills that separate Golden Valley from Sun Valley. Yep, right on up there where all the astrophysicists and brain surgeons drop off their old refrigerators and meth-encrusted cooking gear, you’ll find outstanding bursts of larkspurs, delphiniums, paintbrushes, lupines, etc.

Speaking of astrophysicists, I receive minutes and minutes of sardonic mirth whenever I hear our president talk about “safe, clean, nuke-yu-lur power.” Because calling nuke-yu-lur power “safe and clean” is like calling a dust bunny and piss-cake sandwich “yummy and delicious.” But then again, I would say that, being a Nevadan and all. I mean, I’m being asked to graciously bend over and quietly receive a 77,000-ton enema of the hottest stuff this side of Satan’s greasetrap.

Some fun billboards in town these days. Like this one: “Coming Soon—Jesus.” Gosh, I’m not so sure. I saw the Mel Brooks movie about His first go-round 2,000 years ago, and boy, were we rude to Him! But, actually, I hope he does get here—and fast. I’m not too worried about my soul, which has been rackin’ up some positive vibrations—recycling beer bottles, stopping to help gopher snakes get off the road, and calling Mom several times a month. (I am hopeful He can laugh off the 41 million “Goddammits” I’ve oathed in the past eight months; the golf game has been a little rough). No, if J.C. really did show up (and good lord, there’ve been people waitin’ for His exalted Him-ness to re-appear since the year 100), I’m thinkin’ I’d be way down on his got-to-be-lengthy S-list. I imagine instead He would be extremely busy in Washington, D.C., hosting seminars with titles like “Blowing Up Children? Not Really In My Game Plan,” “I Meant That Stuff About The Other Cheek, Goddammit!” and “You Folks Are Way Too Hung Up On The Booty.”

Speaking of Final Judgments, here’s an interesting twist on the topic from the late Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, who achieved fame and acclaim for her work with dying people, as related in the book, On Death and Dying. Ross said “What we hear from our friends who have passed over, people who came back to share with us, is that every human being, after this transition, is going to have to face something that looks very much like a television screen.

“You will be given an opportunity—not to be judged by a judgmental God—but to judge yourself, by having to review every single action, every word and every thought of your life.” And you thought you were finally gonna relax when you died.