A dry December
You know how it is. Every time there’s a halfway decent snowstorm, there are always a few clods who just can’t resist. They have to write in to whatever media outlet they like to pester, because they have to chirp, “So how do you like your global warming now, Earth Day fascists?” The polarizing snottiness contained in such comments is beyond palpable.
No matter that by the very act of posing the question, our unflappable and unflipfloppable correspondent reveals that he knows about as much of climate change science as he does of, say, the collected works of Miles Davis. No, it’s enough for him to see that, since there’s a big snowstorm, or even just a decent one, it confirms what all his media bloviator homies say about global warming, namely that it’s a bunch of alarmist walrus shit put forth by European leftists from socialist universities who want him to feel bad about all those ATVs, jet skis, boats, cars, lawn mowers, Weedwhackers, freezers and Momma’s custom fur-lined belt sander that all currently reside in his garage.
Well, at this point in this very freaky winter, I can’t resist. And I’m not just doing what I’m about to do for myself. I’m doing it for you, too, for every time you’ve seen one of those comments about “Hey, how’s that global warming working out for you while you dig out from this latest two-foot dump, you sickle-suckin’ sushi-eatin’ tool?” and you wanted to pull your hair out, or, better yet, pull the commenter’s hair out. By the roots. Messily.
So I just want to indulge in a very small and petty way and say to all those Escalade-wantin’ ostrichians who think they know what’s going on just because they subscribe to scientists hired by DuPont or Exxon to do “research” that comes up with the “proper” conclusions concerning climate change—“Hey. You. Yeah, you. How do you like global warming now, sucka? How do you like it now that we just got through the first December in the history of white man weather data where not one snowflake fell upon the city of Reno. Questions? Waddya got for me?” I mean, damn, it’s time to return serve in this pissing match of snotty polarization! (And could this current winter be a sneak preview, so to speak, of the new norm for this area come 2030? All I’ll say on that is—don’t ask me to invest in any new Tahoe ski resorts.)
I should clarify right here that I’m not pulling for climate change to be happening. On many levels, I have to admit, it’d be just fine if Mr. Hannity was right in this debate. There would be a great upside, after all, if the planet did begin to cool down and we avoided a massive meltdown of ice caps, permafrost, glaciers, and Greenland. Nobody wants Fisherman’s Wharf to go blub blub blub. But, damn, some of these investigators are stone cold spooked. Already. I see a bad moon rising. I see trouble on the way.