47 Ronin

Rated 1.0

Keanu Reeves drones his way through this disgustingly bad samurai movie, an expensive exercise in excess that will surely result in some people over at Universal losing their jobs. Who greenlit this thing? Reeves never seems to string more than five words together as Kai, a “half-breed” who is part human, and possibly part demon or something like that. He can't really hang with the samurai warriors, so he basically mopes about, looking all sad and bowing to his masters, until somebody is being attacked by something or other, in which case he's compelled to fight for their honor … or something like that. It's a meandering, listless mess, and a clear sign that Keanu has worn out his welcome in blockbuster action films. It's no wonder he's pushing for a new Bill and Ted movie; the dude is no longer fun when he's springing into action. It's funny for all of the wrong reasons. And it's one of the worst looking $200 million dollar movies you will ever see.