10,000 B.C.

Rated 1.0

You know, I’m not a religious man, but I got down on my knees and thanked Jesus and his daddy for answering my prayers. I’ve been wanting a woolly mammoth movie by the guy who did Independence Day for years now, and I wanted that film to be inhabited by cavemen who speak perfect English and wear bitchin’ dreadlocks. I also, for the purpose of entertainment, lie on occasion, which I’m doing right now. This film is horrible, unnecessary, ridiculous shit that does nobody on this planet a lick of good to witness. How in hell did this piece of garbage get the green light, while cool prospects like Ghostbusters 3 and a sequel to Strange Brew remain in limbo? I watched in amazement as this thing unfolded, because a lot of effort, and a lot of money, clearly went into it. This is a film where a caveman befriends a saber-toothed tiger, and it wants us to take it seriously. This is a satanic mess that should end a few careers, but probably won’t.