Zookeeper

Zookeeper Kevin James learns his animals can talk when they start giving him advice on how to win back his ex-girlfriend (Leslie Bibb). The list of writers for this utterly laughless, alleged comedy is Nick Bakay, Rock Reuben, Jay Scherick, David Ronn and, finally, Kevin James himself. That’s not just a case of too many cooks; it’s a bunch of guys cluttering up the kitchen when not one of them even knows how to make a sandwich. Rosario Dawson has the thankless role of James’ true love (in his dreams!), Ken Jeong once more trots out his creepy Asian dork shtick, and as for the animals, a platoon of star voices (Nick Nolte, Cher, Adam Sandler, Sylvester Stallone, etc.) contend in vain with the gawd-awful dialogue they’ve been handed. Frank Coraci gives this wretched mess the careless direction it deserves.