Rent-a-crop

Ngaio Bealum is a Sacramento comedian, activist and marijuana expert. Email him questions at ask420@ newsreview.com.

I love your column—however, I need to make a small criticism of one “factoid.” You said that buds in glass jars will retain their potency for a few months, but I’ve been curing with mason jars for more than a decade and have been able to keep the jars in my basement cellar for up to two years with no discernible change in potency.

My question: With the coming ban on home cultivation in Sacramento, I’m thinking about doing a “safe-deposit box” concept, where friends could rent outdoor space, allowing them to cultivate in an area in rural Placerville. Would that work?

—Placer Pot Lover

You are most likely correct. Pot stored in a mason jar in the cellar will keep for a while. While I might not want to smoke weed that is two years old (it’s not scotch), it should still be good. My pot usually doesn’t last long enough for me test your assertion.

To your question: You could do that. It would seem to be the very essence of being a cannabis collective. As long as your growers are all qualified cannabis patients and everyone’s paperwork is in good order, there shouldn’t be any problems.

The only thing I would say is don’t get too big. Eddy Lepp, a wonderful and beautiful cannabis activist, was arrested by the feds in 2004 for doing what you are suggesting. Of course, he had 32,000 or so plants on his property. Each plant had paperwork from the more than 2,000 members (he called them “sharecroppers”) of the farm. The feds care not a whit about California law. Lepp was sentenced to a 10-year mandatory sentence in 2009. And the judge remarked that the sentence was harsh and unusual, even as she sent him to prison.

Lepp lost his appeal in 2011 and has been transferred from California to a federal prison in Texas. As a matter of fact, everyone should send him a postcard or a letter. He gets out in January 2018 (Charles Edward Lepp #90157-011; FCI La Tuna; Federal Correctional Institution; P.O. Box 3000; Anthony, TX 88021).

I seem to have digressed a bit. Keep it under 100 plants total, and you shouldn’t have any problems.

I truly hope all you 420-smoking morons rot in hell! I have two friends in Mendocino County that have to live with the marijuana stench 24-seven, 365. Not a very pleasant prospect! Do everyone a favor and kill yourself—we won’t miss one less dope-smoking asshole!

—Anti-Weed and Aggro

Have your friends lived in Mendocino County for more than 40 years? Did they move there before the Emerald Triangle became the coolest and tastiest pot-growing region in the world? How could they not know that Mendocino County is full of weed? It’s like when you move into a downtown neighborhood that is full of clubs and restaurants, then you start to complain about all the people and the lack of parking and the noise. STFU. I’m willing to bet that the smell of weed was in the air long before your friends ever looked at property up there.

The easy answer would be to tell you to smoke a joint and chill out. But for some reason, I think you have too many control issues to smoke pot. You will probably get all paranoid and kill my buzz.