Off the Depp end

For those of you hoping Johnny Depp’s latest would make up for that dick move he made playing Tonto in The Lone Ranger last year, consider that hope dashed upon the rocks, swept out to sea, and ultimately devoured by sharks. Transcendence is terrible.

This is another one of those “technology is evil” movies that suggest humans are slaves to computers. That may very well be true—I, for one, have been sitting at my damn computer all day—but movies haven’t really gotten evil computers right since 2001: A Space Odyssey and WarGames.

Depp plays Will Caster, a seemingly mild mannered scientist who’s mapping out brains in hopes of creating a self-learning, artificial intelligence program capable of emotional growth. When a terrorist organization grazes him with a radiation-laced bullet, he finds out he only has a few weeks to live. So it’s time to speed up his work and get his brain into a computer so he can keep hanging out with wife Evelyn (Rebecca Hall) after his body is dead.

So Will dies and he does, in fact, get himself uploaded into a computer. He immediately starts asking for more power and access to the stock market and banks, actions that seem to clash with what a nice, bohemian type he was when alive. Evelyn, acting upon instructions from Computer Will, buys up a small town and starts rebuilding it with money made through shrewd, fast investing in the stock markets.

Caster then builds an army of humans acting like robots because he’s healed them with computers and made them super strong, or some crap like that. It all makes little sense, and lacks any real sense of purpose. While Caster is portrayed as an out of control egomaniac for most of the film’s running time, the screenplay cops out in the end and tries to partially redeem him. It fails miserably.

Morgan Freeman is on standby because the script called for a sympathetic type to rise up against Will Caster and hopefully save humanity. Cillian Murphy—remember that guy?—shows up as a crime investigator type who gets to run around with Freeman and look concerned. Murphy actually looks as if he’s angry to be in this movie, knowing that it is a dud and his part is worthless.

I paid the big bucks to watch this goofy crap on IMAX and, let me tell you, there is really no reason to see the film this way. Not only does it suck as far as content is concerned, but the visuals and audio are nothing that need to be turned up to extremes. Only the preview for Godzilla was pleasing on this particular IMAX visit.

Starting in 2010 with The Tourist and Alice in Wonderland, Depp’s garbage movie ratio has been on the rise. He made some stinkers before (The Brave, The Astronaut’s Wife), but you had the feeling he was at least trying to do something different when he screwed up.

Depp became a commercial commodity with the Pirates movies and his dopey Mad Hatter character. Sequels for both of those movies are in production, so we know Depp will have plenty of money. It would be nice to see some more experimental, low budget stuff to go with those excremental behemoths. Actually, a big budget offering with a decent script and some edge would even be nice.

Depp will always be a great actor. Heck, he even has moments in Transcendence where he transcends the trite material and shines a bit. I’m hoping these last four years are just a hiccup for him, and he gets back on it with some good director/actor collaborations. Get on the phone with Scorsese, Anderson (Wes or Paul Thomas) or Tarantino and remind the world that you are not all about the big paycheck.