Twilight

Vampires mope in this stunningly boring adaptation of Stephenie Meyer’s extremely popular series of books. Kristen Stewart plays Bella, a displaced high school student who inexplicably falls for a vampire (Edward Pattinson) who also happens to be her lab partner. He’s all angry because he’s normally a “vegetarian vampire” who only eats wild animals, but now he’s so in love he wants to eat Bella. This is supposed to produce high drama, but it got nothing but snickers and yawns from me, not to mention a lot of neck craning and thumb twiddling. Stewart is normally a good actress, but she seems disinterested in the role and, let me tell you, that feeling is infectious. Director Catherine Hardwicke has been stinking up cinemas since her debut, Thirteen. This one is her worst film yet.