OK, make nice (pause)

Here we go. By the time this issue hits the stands, the election will be two days past, and calls will be made from within each party for cooperation and a spirit of bipartisanship to get the nation’s work done.

It’s too early to predict whether the Democrats will take control of one of the houses of Congress—you’ll probably know by the time you read this—but we hope to prepare our readers for the next two years, no matter what happens at the election booths. Here’s our prediction: On a national political level, the next two years are going to suck hard. The presidential election started this week, and it’s going to be a bloodbath in both the major parties.

It’s like this: If the Democrats take the House, but not the Senate (or visa-versa), few bills will make it to the president’s desk. If the Democrats take both houses, then some bills will make it to the president’s desk that he will veto or make signing statements before he puts his imprimatur upon them. If the Republicans retain both houses, then it’ll be like the past two years, and—with some notable exceptions like domestic spying or torturing our prisoners—the president’s agenda will continue to drag. Look for a repeat of the last two years with fake immigration reform, fake flag-burning amendments, fake anti-gay marriage amendments, reproductive-freedom rollbacks, continued erosion of the separation of church and state, increased funding of the war on Iraq.

So when the losing party—whichever it is—starts with the “we must work together in the spirit of bipartisanship” BS, we’d like to offer readers a mantra, which you don’t have to say aloud, but you can allow to run through your minds: Nuts to you; just stop.

Honestly. We know what the 6 o’clock news will report: “Divided country,” “do-nothing Congress,” “partisan politics.”

But from where we’re sitting, a Congress too divided to continue to do harm or a restored legislative and executive branch checks-and-balance system is only going to be good for our country.

We don’t care what the pundits say, if Congress is unable to work with the president or work between the houses to come up with flawed, lobbyist-written, misguided legislation that will throw more Americans under the bus while feathering the nests of the already rich and powerful, we’re OK with that. We want a clash of ideas for governing. It makes better policies. Bipartisanship means uncooked policies.

How’s this for a novel idea? For the next two years, instead of promoting new legislation, maybe Congress should spend its time getting rid of stupid, unfair or obsolete federal laws. Or how about this: Maybe they could figure out a diplomatic way to solve the violence in Iraq.

So as you hear, for the next two years, accusations from each party about how the other is obstructionist, how the other party is holding up judicial appointments, how the budget can’t be finalized, how America is held hostage to partisanship, and you feel inclined to shake your fist at the do-nothing legislators who gobble at the public trough while decent Americans pay $4 a gallon for gas, you just repeat your mantra: Nuts to you; just stop.

And then thank your lucky stars.

OK, make nice? (Pause) NOT!