No Strings Attached

Natalie Portman wastes her time and Ashton Kutcher goofs around in his usual cinematic shit in this typically lousy effort from long-past-his-golden-days director Ivan Reitman. Portman plays a woman with severe intimacy issues who wants to have sex with her friend (Kutcher) and nothing more. The plot is dopey enough, but Reitman makes it worse by throwing in a bunch of sex gags that were played out in the ’70s. Let’s see if Portman’s participation in this dreck will hurt her chances for an Oscar. I doubt it, she’ll probably still win, but somebody is bound to make fun of this movie after a few drinks at an after-Oscar party, resulting in fisticuffs. Actually, that would be really cool! Maybe this movie serves some sort of a strange purpose after all. I know I’ve said I kind of like Kutcher in the past. I am rapidly changing my mind.