My Bloody Valentine 3D

It’s been a while since we’ve had a 3-D horror film. Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees and Jaws all had their journey into the medium back in the day of the paper glasses with the blue and red lenses. The technology has come miles since then—now we get to wear cool shades!—and My Bloody Valentine 3-D is the first horror attempt in the new 3-D cinema age after a series of family films and concert movies. As far as the 3-D effects go, it is easily the best 3-D slasher film ever made. The main killer brandishes a pickaxe, and this thing always seems as if it’s about to poke you in the eye or upper thigh. Blood and body parts seemingly whiz by your head, and there are moments when the film qualifies as a fun amusement park ride. Unfortunately, the movie isn’t just special effects from beginning to end. It does try to tell a story, and that story is only marginally better than, say, the theme park bullshit plot that was Jaws 3-D. In other words, this is not a very good movie. It is actually quite a bad one.