I deserve a break from Kerry-bashing media

“So, moving on to John Kerry’s Vietnam medals. … What troubles you more—that he threw his ribbons away or that he changed his story about it?”

“Well, I have trouble keeping up with all of Kerry’s stories. …”

“Do you think his disrespect for military service will come back to haunt him in the election?”

No, this ain’t no paid Bush promo. It’s news—just one of hundreds of daily anti-Kerry bits brought to you by the crack (head) journalists at Fox News. I nabbed the above dialogue seconds after tuning into Monday morning’s Fox & Friends.

First, a tense promo for Fox News’ most popular long-running show, War on Terror!

Then, an interview with Sen. Jon Kyl (R-Ariz.): “We’ve asked the bad guys to come out with their hands up,” our Fox host says. “And they haven’t. But we’re not going in with guns blazing. Why is that?”

Our Fox host wants to know this because the Fox team has little tolerance for “patience” on behalf of U.S. military. Storm in and take the city before the evildoers can prepare!

But wait, should U.S. Marines be attacking mosques? What about that pesky Geneva Convention? “It’s perfectly OK to attack a mosque or church if it’s being used by enemy forces,” Kyl says.

But wait, we haven’t bashed Kerry in 90 whole seconds. Cut to commercial: Kerry’s going to raise our taxes. If Kerry’s elected, terrorists will run the United States. Kerry lied—his wife drives an Audi!

Geesh. I’ve been watching Fox News for weeks now. Call it an experiment in media effects. If I survive with my brain and writing skills intact, I’ll let you know how it goes. Maybe I’ll turn into a Bush-loving war supporter, fearful of Islamic militants and ready to invest my savings in Bechtel and Halliburton.

But for now, I seek Bush-bashing reprieve on the Web. Here are a few fine examples:

Too Stupid to Be President

www.toostupidtobepresident.com

Bush stars as No. 2 to Dick Cheney’s Dr. Evil and Condi Rice’s Agent 99 in a parody called “Get Stupid!” Other cartoons include Bush in a Benny Hill knock-off and an account of how Bush really decided to invade Iraq.

Comedy Central

www.comedycentral.com

Archived videos of Jon Stewart’s The Daily Show, including the classic “Bush vs. Bush” debate, pitting the actual sound bites of Gov. George W. Bush against those of President George W. Bush. It’s a kick.

IFilm’s Viral Videos

www.ifilm.com/viralvideo

Careful, some of these are mature, naughty, gross. I didn’t watch “Singing Genitalia,” honest. Click to the second list of 100 videos. Halfway down, link to a video of Bush picking his nose to the tune of “I Feel Good.”

Bush Flash

www.bushflash.com

Besides clever parodies like Dr. Bushlove, this site has a couple of serious, moving tributes to those who’ve died in Iraq.

Bush interactive

Put the moves on Bush at www.miniclip.com/dancingbush.htm or manipulate the “Dishonest Dubya” action figure at www.praesentia.us/archives/dishonestdubya.html.

Trump Fires Bush

www.trumpfiresbush.com

When all else fails, we can Show Bush the Door, as Donald Trump does in this True Majority Action ad. In the interest of fair play, I looked for Kerry-bashing animations. I found one (besides the Fox News Web site), but I had to watch a Microsoft ad before the cartoon started. I didn’t think it was that funny, but feel free to let me know if I missed the joke. It’s at atomfilms.shockwave.com/af/content/john_kerry.