Dog food!

The older, heavier and more sedentary I become, the more I like hot dogs. So on Superbowl Sunday, Kat and I went to Crazy Wieners Sports Bar and Grill. Because neither of us gets fired up for football, and homework was keeping me from fully abusing the two-for-one beer special, we mostly talked about houses that are now within our price range thanks to the complete economic meltdown.

I was happy Crazy Wieners Sports Bar and Grill isn’t your typical sports bar. It does have plenty of large flat screens, an area for pool and ping pong, and Copenhagen snuff chilling in the refrigerator, but it lacked all the usual filth, stickiness and obnoxious drunks. We did, however, leave shortly after kickoff, so I can’t speak to the shenanigans which likely went on afterward.

Crazy Wieners sits on an isolated stretch of Mill Street, about a half mile east of Rock Boulevard. The owners definitely have an affinity for wiener dogs, otherwise known as Dachshunds—they named several menu items and the bathrooms after their dogs. While the theme is cute, I can’t really speak positively about the large plastic dog bowls in which they serve their food. The damned bowl kept sliding around on my tray as I cut up my food. I felt like our dog, Japhy, who helplessly pushes his food dish around until it finally hits a wall.

The owners have a very pronounced clean streak, which allows me to proclaim this the cleanest sports bar I’ve ever seen. One of them recounted a story of the weekend she and her husband took possession of the place and its unsightly kitchen. With the health inspector coming, the owners frantically cleaned the kitchen fearing fines and a horrible rating. In the end, still feeling dissatisfied, they handed it over for inspection and ended up with a perfect score. Even the men’s bathroom was immaculate and had a little rack with sanitizers, air freshener and scented lotions. However, men, no matter how sloppy you get, you won’t think you’ve stumbled into the ladies room—they’ve hung up sexy posters of tennis stars like Anna Kournikova. Inversely, Kat reported the women’s restroom is painted in very girly pink and adorned with posters of David Beckham in his underwear.

In keeping with both the wiener dog and sports bar thing, Kat and I ate wings and hot dogs. We started with the 10-piece chicken wings ($7.99) with a hot/teriyaki sauce mix. Kat also ordered the Hannah dog ($3.90), which comes with onions, cheese and chili. I went with the Duke dog ($5.50), which was served with relish, ketchup, mustard, onions, pickles and kraut. The wings are better than most—meaty, served in a pool of sauce, and crispy without being hard and petrified. We both liked our hot dogs, which are quite large in diameter. There wasn’t anything altogether special about their flavor. However, the sheer volume of condiments heaped on top offset some of that.

I bet you didn’t know Dachshunds were bred to hunt badgers and, in packs, can hunt animals as large as wild boar. I know this seems impossible, considering the ferocity of badgers and boars, but you’ve got to give the wiener dog some credit. And the folks at Crazy Wieners have done justice to the breed, as well as to their junk-food-and-beer-loving masters.