China syndrome

Here’s the scoop: They’re neither guys nor are they from Hong Kong, but they do provide decent Chinese food and a bit of hilarity while they’re at it.

For me, the most difficult part of dining at Two Guys was locating the restaurant, which is pinched between Sally Beauty Supply and a Pizza Hut in the same South Virginia shopping complex as Whole Foods. I probably never would have known they existed had those two clever guys not tacked a magnet onto my car the other weekend while I was buying groceries.

The restaurant is conventionally decorated as a Chinese place with the usual prints and dolls adorning its walls and shelves. Beautiful electronic music made for a soothing mood. My husband and I were the only customers when we got there, but more filtered in before long.

The food was decent. That’s the best I can give it. It was certainly less greasy than normal take-out fare. However, the sauces lacked something. They were a little bland. I had one of the dinner specials (dinner No. 2, $13.95 per person), which comes with soup (wonton, egg flower or rice) and a plate of appetizers, which include fried prawns, an egg roll, barbecue ribs and crab rangoon. You can choose from 10 or so entrees, such as sweet and sour deluxe, General Tso’s chicken, shrimp with vegetables, Kung Pao triple deluxe and so forth. I ordered the sizzling shrimp and scallops because I love seafood and because I like it spicy. This dish was labeled very spicy, and I told my server that the chef could feel free to kick it up a notch. The dish, however, was so mild that I would have reached for the Tabasco at home. My husband had a different dinner special (dinner special B, $9.50) with Szechuan shrimp. We couldn’t tell much difference taste-wise between our meals. The differences between the dinner specials are even more subtle: My meal came with rice on the side, and his came all on one plate.

The best part of the night was our server. An older Chinese woman, I had her pegged for the quiet, professional kind. She was very serious when seating us, but I noticed a twinkle in her eye. When our various appetizers came, they were all mixed up on one plate. Who cares, right? But she leaned over, concerned, and began in all seriousness to point out whose was whose. After the first few points, I told her it was fine, we share anyway. But she kept pointing, even to small corners of egg rolls, telling my husband “hands off, those are the lady’s.” That’s when I looked up at her face. She was giggling away. After that opening, she pretty much entertained us for the rest of the night. When it came time to box up the leftovers, she shooed my husband’s hand away. “I do it,” she said, giggling again, “because I do it so beautifully. Watch!” She began pouring the leftovers into random slots, telling my husband that he would have done it all wrong. Only she knew how to perfectly box food.

A couple at another table didn’t find her quite as charming. The man complained when she tried some little joke with him, shouting, “What are you doing?” So perhaps I’m just weird, but I do like my dinners spiced up with some jesting once in a while.

On our way out, we asked whether any of the employees were from Hong Kong. While they aren’t from that city, they did chide us on our knowledge of their country by pointing out that “Hong Kong is now part of China.” True. So if you’re in the area and in the mood, Two Guys from Hong Kong, whomever they may be, is an OK place to eat. The menu is substantial, the service entertaining and they do take-out. If you want something that really lights up your taste buds though, I would suggest going elsewhere.